Yep.

So, I wish I could say I had something uber cool and worthy to write about, but I really don't.
I can only write about things that annoy me when stuff is actually going on, but I do have two things to talk about right now.

The first is this.

I dig reading, I dig audiobooks. If you're someone who likes my voice (or interested in hearing what my voice sounds like), then this might interest you, otherwise- wank off.

I want to record and audio book or something.
So, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm giving you the choice, there will be three categories of stuff I'll read from- though you can add your own in.
I'll read three different things: one set of poems, one series of short stories, and one novel or novella.
Here are the choices.

Poems:

Where the sidewalk ends - Shel Silverstein
Raven (and others) - Edgar Allen Poe
One From None - Henry Rollins

Short Stories:

The Tell Tale Heart - Edgar Allen Poe
Get In The Van (excerpts) - Henry Rollins
City Boy - Leonard Michaels (my personal favorite)

Novels:

The Spoon River Anthology - Edgar Lee Masters
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (book 1) - Douglas Adams
The Odyssesy - Homer

So, which ever gets the most votes I'll do an audio recording of each separate. If I get no votes or ideas, I'll just read whatever the fuck I want.

Now.

2. A story.

This is a story my grandfather told me, it's in first person, and mind you- he comes from a different generation, so the word nigger was tossed around a lot. PLEASE NOTE; I'm not racist, I don't endorse bigotry, but I feel like the story is all the better if it's explained like he explained it to me. I just wanted to say that as not to offend anyone, if that does I'm seriously sorry. It's just the generation he came from.


I was sitting at the kitchen table. My grandma was on the phone in the computer room. It was around five thirty, though it was dark because it was winter. Across from me sat my grandpa. They recently yelled at me for whatever reason. He started telling me a story of how he never thought about stuff until it was too late. Here's what he said.

"Yeah Josh, you just gotta think about shit before you mess stuff up. Like, this one time alright- I was maybe 18, 19. I was in this gang at the time, we thought we were some bad motherfuckers back then. I was walking down the sidewalk and I saw this group of niggers, so I just kept walking, big deal you know. So I started walking by them and this one looked at me and said 'you think you bad? you think you can fuck with us?' I said 'we'll find out', so they ended up just walking away. They didn't want to fuck with me, I was a bad motherfucker back then. Next day I was in my car the same group of niggers drives up right next to me at a stop light, they look into my car, they see me and they say 'you ready to fuck around?', I said 'bring it the fuck on', they looked at me and said 'There's five of us, only one of you', so I said back 'Hmmm, well let's see'. I pulled out a shotgun and pointed it into their car and said 'alright, which one of you mothefuckers is first?' they drove away and I got out of the car and fuck, I must have shot 5 shots straight into their car as they drove away. Later on the cops come by my house and say 'we got a report of some guy in a blue car shooting down the street, you know anything about it?' I told them no, even though my fucking blue Malibu was sitting there in the driveway, see I could've went to jail for concealed weapons, at the time I didn't give a fuck."

Okay, that's part 1, this second part makes no sense. I mean it's a cool story, but essentially he just wants to tell stories instead of warning me to change my ways, you'll see.

"Man, those times were different. there was this guy the Doctor we called him, he always walked around with a jacket on, under his jacket he had a double shoulder holster and two magnums at all times. Doctor was fucking crazy. He always cruised with this nigger, but not a nigger, just a black guy we called Hollywood. Hollywood was fucking insane too. Anyways, Doctor got into a bar fight one night and got stabbed. He got sent to the hospital and Hollywood came the next day to visit him. Doctor ended up dying in the hospital of complications or something, so Hollywood grabbed Doctor's guns and went out and hunted that motherfucker who stabbed him."

I did a bit of improvisation with the second, because I couldn't completely remember the story, thereby it being shittier.

I really wish I could tell stories like my grandpa.
That's just one gift I don't have at all.

That's it, that's all, that's all there is.

- Josh.

Don't forget to vote on the audiobook, just leave a comment!!!