One Night of Perversion, Mindless Entertainment, and Social Awkwardness.

Last night I went to go see The X-Files 2: I Want To Believe with Sam, Fro, and Charlie Nemes. We had left quite early, we planned on hitting the 9:15 showing, so when it was only 7:00, we decided to just crash around the mall for a bit.

We spend the time in there making Fro act like a crackhead (making him scratch his neck, and snort inhalingly as people walk by as he stares at the ground with wild eyes), we rode the Tellatubbies ride, hung out in the childrens play area (creepily), looked at an art gallery, and went to the aquarium where Charlie made Steve Irwin jokes about a sting-ray.

After we'd had our fill there, we decided to go to the theater. After getting our tickets and waiting for the movie to let out, we got in. While we were the first group there, we spent it yelling at each other, making fun of Fro's "Child Drive" (it's a harddrive in his car that we always tell people that is full of child porn), and then I did my normal; messing with people. While we were just hanging out, I just yell out "I LOVE MY DICK", and I hear the door open, and then without thinking I say "I LIKE MY FORESKIN", as a couple walks directly around the corner near us. Well laughed hysterically, and Fro even cried.

At the end of movie... there were ten people in the theater with us, most of whom looked confused. While I LOVE The X-Files with an amazing passion, I'm hard pressed to call it a flop... sorry Mulder.

When we'd dropped Sam off at 12:15, we basically just drove around town for hours... looking for something to do. We basically just made fun of each other, and had a small bit of fun. I called up a friend (Mikey) and asked him what was happening, and he told us to come to this party. After finding it and seeing that it was a REAL party we pull up, and Mikey was out in the driveway waiting for us, so I go "So is it cool that we're showing up?", he went "Dudeeeeeeeee, I don't even know.", and then he disappeared. As we sat there, we all decided at once... that we weren't gonna go there, and Fro turned around.

For the remaining of the night, we brought up the weird contents of the "Child Drive", Charlie being ditched by a girl for church "Hence; Charlie was Church'd", and how we're three generations of social awkwardness in the vehicle.

It was a fun night to me, because I kinda felt like I wasn't with people who just like to party, I was just with more people who feel just as awkward as me sometimes.

- Josh

Ravenna Skatepark, and Townies.

Good morning everyone.
Right now, it's 10:07 AM- and I'm listening to some Defiance, Ohio.

Yesterday turned out to be interesting.

I was sitting at the park with Fro, and Anthony- and we were just talking about skateparks, when I brought up the new Ravenna skatepark- and then Fro gestured towards his car, like "dude, let's fucking go"... so after Anthony got permission- and I got some bum directions from George we were off.

The directions George gave us told us to drive straight through downtown until we see a boarded up building and then turn left... something for us three that became WAY harder than it should've.

Well, we stop at a local Hallmark after driving around for a bit; when we get in there, it's a nice Asian lady working the counter, and when she walks away to ask the manager Anthony says to me "Fucking Chinks", and I say "Dude- shut the fuck up! She's not even five feet away.", after getting misleading directions from the Hallmark lady; we were off again.

We took their directions that took us out past township, into the countryside of Ravenna. After spending a nice 15 mintes driving into the country, we turned around. We went straight through the light we were told to turn left at- and went this way.

After pulling up to someone and asking them, Fro went "fucking people" and we found a nice older lady who finally pointed us in the right direction.

When we get there and start to walk in... we instantly feel the cold shoulder, because we're not townie fucks. They stare at us as we walk in, and while the others skate I ignore the odd, fucked up glances they keep throwing.

After about an hour or so- we bail.
We hit Taco Bell on the way back, and after Fro walks a dog we sit around the park for a bit.

Not a bad day, I say.

- Josh

PS: Check out my friend Brittany's blog, it's under "Friends". :)

When the last green leaf turns orange.

So, today is the first time in a week or so I really had a full night of sleep. 11 full hours! woo! Instead of the three I've been running on all week.

Today is also the day that my friend from NY (Amber) left to go back to her home. It was hard saying goodbye to her yesterday... but I guess it was time.

We had a fun, cool summer- and I'll miss her until I see her again.

I'm actually kinda depressed in a way- because I hung with her EVERY day of the summer, to the point where it became a sure thing to see her... and now... she's gone, so now I feel kinda directionless for some odd reason.

I've actually even been considering if I even want to continue writing on here... and I've concluded that I will. It's given me an outlet to let people know that I'm more than just some jerk (given, I am), but- I think it may have also changed a few person's opinions of me... though I could be wrong.

So, I'll continue to write on here... as long as I have something to write about. I'll write about a watermelon that looked blue, a hula hoop that was misshaped, and how I think the moon landing was a hoax.

Have a good days guys.

- Josh.

Frankie's Jam

So yesterday, I ended up over at my friend Frankie's for most of the day.

It was his little sister's pool party for her friends and stuff... but by the end of the night, it turned into Frankie's party.

After Cameron and I showed up around 4, we all hung out by Frankie's new mini-ramp he'd just finished building with his grandparents. While everyone (Matt, Adam, Bo, Cameron, Amber, Frankie, and I) hung around, a few more of Frankie's friends showed up (Little Man, and Vito); and then there were officially more of Frankie's friends than his sisters'.

When we were all sitting around having fun, I decided it'd be cool to invite George up, who did come- but left after 20 minutes or so.

Shortly after that, we decided to go swimming in Frankie's pool- and making more fun of the situation; I threw Amber in. She got pissed as her makeup ran, and a fight in the water ensued.

As the swimming quit, the night began to fall, and everyone started to unwind. Frankie had brought out the guitar and amp- which I stole from him, and messed with effects to make a very post-rock sound and made fucked up noises before giving it to Matt who played a nice medley of tunes.

Before we all left, we played a few songs downstairs on Rock Band... then a few more... then Frankie left his own party and Amber, Cam, and I played some more.

Eventually Cameron and I left. Along the way back, we saw Frankie and the others; and stopped and hung for a bit.

Cameron and I (bored, of course), went to the park- and Cheney and Bethany came up to us... mind you this is like at 11:30 at night. Cheney needed a ride home because his ride stranded him, which his house was on the road where we saw Bear Man one night.

Feeling polite- Cameron gave him a ride home. On the way back, he and I ripped down a sign that said "Road Weight Max: 12 Tons" and it was like a 3 foot high sign.

When we got back into town, Cam and I walked around a bit- then I retired to my home, where I would enjoy sleep.

Pretty good day, methinks.

- Josh

Angry Black Ladies vs. Me

If there's one thing in this world that pisses me of- it's people who oppose obscenity, to an extent.

Saying things like Damn, and Hell in front of children WILL NOT ruin their lives- so yesterday, when angry black lady yelled at me for cursing- bitch pissed me off.

We were sitting next to the swingset at the park. It was A-Tone, Little Man, Petitbon, Amber, and Myself- while another friend (Tyler) was sitting on the swings; ignoring us the whole time.

We were just hanging out making silly remarks on the day- when I look at Vito, and behind him I see an angry bubble-butt bitch staring at us, while leaning on some random playground material. I say into Little Man's ear "She's fucking staring at us", and everyone kinda agrees, and looks on their own.

A while passes, while we just sit around still talking; ignoring the black lady who looks like she could kick all of our asses.

Eventually, she joins the swingset with a little blonde girl who came with her. We still keep talking, then she gets off the swing... and Little Man stares directly at her when she looks over to us, and then she decided to speak up...

This is the conversation that happened between me and LaQueefa.

LaQueefa: I'm just making sure there ain't no one using goddamn foul language around my kids.
Me: Okay? Well, you kinda just said goddamn.
LaQueefa: Well I'm a grown woman, I'm almost thirty.
Me: Yeah, and I'm almost 18- so what?
LaQueefa: Listen, I have FOUR kids to take care of-
Me: That's not my problem.
LaQueefa: I'm just asking you nicely.
Me: You're not asking us nicely- you're bitching at us!
LaQueefa: No I'm not!
Me: Yes you are- you came over here and you're like "Goddamn foul language".

She stares at us a bit, and then walks away.

Goddamn I don't even know if LaQueefa is her name, but I wanted to get up and start screaming racial slurs at her.

- Josh

This is how it goes, I guess.

Well, my plans for August 1st (RANCID concert), are officially fucked.

Because;

1.) I have no job, and the grandparents aren't really letting me do as much as I would with a job, understandably.

2.) I'm now broke as fuck.

Number 2 needs to be explained.

In short:

Someone hacked my PayPal account and started buying shit with my account, putting it into overdraft of about 200 dollars... WELL, because I stopped using my PayPal- I had no clue of this until today.

I got a letter in the mail, addressed to my grandfather- from my bank (we use different banks), that was dated and sent on July 15th. It essentially said that my bank account was in overdraft of almost 200 dollars, and that they'd be taxing me 10 percent interest for five days- then after those five days; they would press charges.

So I've been saving up my money for the concert... and guess what! I had to pay ALL of it to my bank, plus borrowing a bit of money from the grandparents.

So now I'm broke, and now I can't see my favorite fucking band.

It's not ALL that bad... because for some reason... I just don't really care that much.
I mean, I'm pretty pissed that I can't go see RANCID, but I mean- it's kind of over my head now.

I guess it just means that I need to look for a job.


- Josh.


... Karma works in a weird way. - Earl J. Hickey

Gossip Queens

Earlier today I got my haircut (I like it) at The Shop, it's a local place in our town located near our schools (all of our schools are all in the same vicinity after years of moving shit around), and I've got my hair cut there a few times and the lady who usually does my hair is a very nice lady named Tanya.

Well, as I was waiting for her to finish with another person, I started (accidentally) overhearing a conversation that some older-guy was having with the lady who was cutting his hair.

It was something that obviously wasn't interesting to her- but she was just humoring him and laughing at his shitty jokes to get a nice tip. He'd go on about some stupid shit and she'd be like "AHAHAHA really?!" and I was just thinking about how that guy is getting played so bad.

After Tanya started on my hair, I overheard a conversation that some lady was having with the hair cutter of that same fellow- doing the SAME shit to her. This fucking old woman was talking about how her brother Bryce has Alzheimer's, and I giggled outloud and Tanya shushed me while she laughed, because the old lady was talking about how her brother shits himself on a rather consistent basis, as her brother also talks about how when they get out of Vietnam he's gonna bang his wife as hard as he can... It was interesting, but those conversations I've overheard made me a bit dumber on the inside.

Let's not fuck ourselves now, we all say meaningless shit (some on a more casual basis, like me), and hope someone is amused by it- a habit to which we should all break.

"I hear all of these people talking, but no one is saying anything" - Henry Rollins


Later. - Josh


PS: I think I'm back.

three 500 MG Hydrocodones.

There are some people who don't know me, who read my blog- this is widely understood; so before I explain a story, I must give details.

I used to have a bit of a pill problem. 5 - 10 various pills a day for about 3-6 months straight, though I kept it slightly secret.

So- knowing that, I can explain the following.

My friend (for the sake of this dramatization let's name her Amber) Amber smokes. She claims to only have done it 5 times (though the bullshit factor in her voice is above the stars), and her and I came to a recent promise; I wouldn't touch pills if she stopped smoking.

Fair agreement, I'd say.

WELL.

Today, I kind of overheard her in the midst of the attempted purchase of cigarettes from a friend who knew someone 18, and- I became INSTANTLY fucking pissed.

She broke a motherfucking promise... something I frown profoundly on.

So I stopped talking to her after that... but as I was sitting at the park... I was stricken with an idea.

She was sitting at the swings with some other mutual friends when I decided to do something.

After borrowing a bike, I rode home quickly- grabbed a bottle of water, and 3 Tylenol headache pills, and put them in a little baggy.

After I took the bike back to the friend I borrowed it from, I walked over to the swings; after everyone stole my water, and left me with only enough to swig from... I pulled the baggy out in front of Amber and some other friends. When I took out the pills and showed them to everyone I heard one person go "Oh fuck", and another "HOLY SHIT"- and then I took the three pills.

Amber was instantly struck with a look that went like "oh.... fuck.", or so it seemed to me.

One friend asked what they were, and I replied back "three 500 MG Hydrocodones" and someone I know named Marc was like "Holy fuck man, you're gonna be fucked up", to which I giggled a bit.

After 30 minutes of Amber (occasionally) giving me an angry stare, I got up- walked up to her at the swings and went "Those were three 250 MG Tylenol headache pills, don't fuck with me again". As I said this the only remaining friend over there (nicknamed Vito, sitting next to Amber on the swings) went "OH MY FUCKING GOD" and then we spoke of how I fucking got them.

Seriously- I don't care how fucking "stressed" you are.
Don't ever break a fucking promise to someone.

I told her that, and I also told her if she ever broke another promise like that again that next time they won't be headache pills...

Wanna know the best part of this? The person that they wanted to buy the cigarettes stiffed them, and didn't even get them.

The moral is... Grow up, leave your lungs alone- they're not there to hurt you, don't hurt them.

- Josh

One less soul on the block.

Soulless faces in the least quiet places
Take the stones and call it their own
Define their generation under an angry nation
corruption, greed, molestation, and the people are like leeches who feed
The truth you spark won't even make a mark
Their names are shrouded in the dusk, their operations are a must.
To deceive us, to deny, to stare at us and lie
They call those who oppose the ones who refused to rose
The job is clear, the future is near
we'll make a stand against "the man" and draw a line in the sand
When one falls, another will rise- he'll come from nowhere like a lamb in disguise.
He'll say the same things promise peace will be what he brings
They'll follow likes sheep into the burning fires for their simple man-made desires
Aspiring from the truth is someone who has a stolen youth
Born from a mother and father, making the statistics lie without a bother.
He'll stand up for what's right and preach the gospel of life through the night
When they say he's done, he'll be shot down by the gun
the hands he fought against will overthrow him and raise the fence

It's easier

Right now It's 1:33 AM.
I'm listening to some Explosions in the Sky, while thinking.
I had a good idea that I passed onto Fred the other night, he actually like(s/d) it.

Today I was kinda all over the place.
It's actually blurry to me.
I mean- I know what I did, and I can recall it all- but... I don't know how I did it.
I don't recall going home, watching George Carlin on HBO, grabbing a book and heading back to the park, but I did.

I feel better today though.
I actually know what's happening.
Yesterday I was out there.
Not sure if Fred noticed it when we hung... but I'm surprised I even made sentences.

Then again, I'm surprised most people can even make sentences.

I read this on someones profile earlier today:

NOT a prep, jock, goth, emo, punk, scene, slut.shes CHEYENNE... get over it.lov life. she flirt alot, but that dont mn she like you.not your typical "oh, im so ugly and fat, my life sucks!!"chik. gorgeous nd nice body. forget what u hrd.

Never in my entire life have I wanted to strangle another human being for so much improper grammar. Of course it's EVERYWHERE on this blog... but Jesus fucking Christ- it's not even like the words she's attempting are difficult!

Too much unnatural anger for one person to behold.

Who knows.

- Josh.

Angry for the sake of being angry.

It's 1:06 AM.
I'm listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor.
And I couldn't feel worse.
I fucking hate this shit.

I'm not angry at anyone, I'm done with that.
I'm just... angry for the sake of being angry.

It's not really even anger anymore, it's depression and sadness that has turned into anger.
I really hope it hits soon.

When it does- I'll feel better.
I know I will.
What's gonna break it though?
You?

I doubt it.

You could, but you won't.

You don't even know what I'm talking about.

It's better.
You're better.

Don't do what I'm doing with my life.
Not a smart idea.
Who knows.

I hope it's soon.

I only know of one person who knows whats happening to me right now, and they're asleep (or so I would guess).

Soon.

I'll explain myself.

Right now, it's 4:11 on a Saturday- and where do I sit? my room of course.

The sun started to shine out of nowhere, where from until an hour or so ago- it was rather cloudy and rainlike, and I'm quite sure I also heard thunder... but it's all cleared up now.

For some reason... I want to explain myself.
I've pissed A LOT of people off lately, because... admittedly, I have changed.

I think I have at least.
Right now, I find it impossible to tell, but I know that whatever type of existential crisis I'm encountering (with myself), I shouldn't be taking it out on everyone around me.

I feel that I owe people a lot of answers of why I've changed, what's changed me, and what I've changed from... but honestly- I don't even know the answers to those questions, and I wish I did.

I don't blame anyone for what's been happening (though many MAY disagree with this), but it's no excuse. I hate feeling like a dick.

I hate when people are dicks for no reason, and sadly enough- that's what has happened to me.
I'm tired of being that person, and I have no reason TO BE that person.

Over the past few months, I've kinda shifted to a Nihilistic state of mind (google Nihilism if you don't know what it means), but that SHOULD mean I just don't care- but I do care for some reason.

I don't know why I can't explain what's happening, but I can't.
I don't want to be the dick anymore, but it's not such a quick transformation.

I'm not Josh Bennett the asshole extraordinaire at heart.
I'm Josh Bennett, the.... nothing.

haha.

I don't know anymore.

To anyone I've hurt lately:

I'm sorry, really- I am.
I'm just... not a happy person.
Though it's quite unfair to take my anger and problems out on you- I'm sorry.
I really am.
I don't know if you'll accept my apology- but please note that I'm being heartfelt.

- Josh

Differences that keep us together

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday (for the sake of argument, we shall call this friend Matt- common name, short name, etc), and relationships came up.

This is a fragment of the conversation, somewhat improvised to save time:

Matt: Well she (his girlfriend) freaked out because she thought I called this fugly girl pretty.

Me: That's lame. I mean, even if you did call her pretty- which you didn't, there's not stopping you from thinking someone is attractive. If someone is attractive to you, then they're attractive to you- you can't automatically think someone is unattractive. There are attractive people out there, and you can't stop that.

Matt: I don't know, I don't think I could handle her saying a guy was attractive.

That's the part of the conversation that I want to talk about.
It's certainly insecurity when you can't handle your significant other calling someone else attractive, and it's obviously a problem to him... It's not to me.

I could care less.
I'm a fugly guy, I'm like a 2.5 on a 10 scale- and I know it!

A guy who is insecure thinks he's a 4 when he's actually a 8.5, and it's his insecurity that keeps telling him "she thinks he's more attractive", believe me- as a fugly guy who has had some decently attractive girlfriends, I can honestly say that looks don't count at a certain point.

Maybe I'm sounding like a tool, but I don't know- if you're secure, then you can talk about anything; even the attractive companionships of other human beings.

- Josh.

Souped-up

Right now it's 1:56 AM here.
I'm feeling good.
Surprisingly good.
I've been kinda perpetually down lately... but I kinda just got happy.
The song choice I had on was a contributor as well (Shining On by Big D and the Kids Table), and I don't know.

I still have nothing to write about, but I'm feeling good.

There's not too much in my favor right now:

1. No girlfriend (le sigh)
2. No job (fuck)
3. No direction (oh well)

But I feel cool.

It's weird, in the morning- I'll be faced with my personal problems again... but, as a message to anyone out there who's feeling bummed... just... listen to something positive.

Happiness is a state of mind, treat it so.

- Josh

PS: If I get bored enough, I'll have a nice blog coming up.

Directions

SO.
This is ANOTHER blog post about how I have nothing to write about.

The most interesting thing that has happened lately is a little kid we nicknamed Rammsey who can come up with the scariest insults, for being twelve. Some highlights:

1. You can't have my dick!

2. I'll poke your eyes out and skullfuck you!

3. Go fuck your mom

and all of this shit.

The kid was straight up nuts, and he talked about his anger management and stuff.
Funny kid.

Last Few Days

So I haven't written in almost a week... but it's cool.

It's not that I don't want to write- there just isn't much happening (that I feel I can write about, without hurting or getting others' in trouble), but I've kinda just been hanging out lately.

The past week or so I've kinda just been hanging out with my usual group of friends.

My friend Frankie's cousing Amber (from New York) came in last weekend, so I've been chilling with her a bit lately.

Kinda just having fun this summer, even though I get yelled at constantly for showing up at home at like 4 AM with no explanation.

The second I think of anything to write about- I'll be here :)

- Josh

Instigation, more desperation, and water balloons.

Yesterday was a day that I would enjoy to forget (for the most part anyways).

Well, Trenton came over yesterday around 1- and we kinda just sat around my house for a bit.

After we left, we strolled around the town- seeing not much action at the town Fair/Carnivale/whatever, we retired to our bench (it's this metal silver bench next to a sidewalk and a road that faces the river). After sitting there hitting and throwing sticks at each other for a good 15 minutes, Matt shows up.

We go up to Circle K and along the way up there- a black car full of people pulls next to us on the bridge and yells something like "You should just throw yourself off a fucking cliff" (Presumably to Matt), and I had no reason to really car- but Matt yelled back "Smoke Crack and Worship Satan!". We get to Circle K and see Adam... moments later, Matt comes out and explains that the cops were called on Adam because the Circle K employees said he wasn't allowed in there (he'd stolen from there before, and been caught). Matt and I tell Adam to take off his shirt so the cop can't find him via apparence. While we're walking on the bridge with Adam, the cop drives by, and doesn't really look twice at us. Adam skates off, and turns left down the sidewalk. A moment later, the cop pulls left, down the same road that Adam went down.

We continue our walk, and turn left down that some road (but we're headed to the park), as we're walking down the sidewalk... the black car pulls up again... This time, they throw a water balloon, and I wasn't watching- so when I felt liquid hit me, my first thought was "Why did Matt just throw his Polar Pop at me?" I look over, and I see the black car again, and Matt running behind it with his Polar Pop lifted above his head. I stood there dazed for a minute, still rather confused as to the event that had just occured.

I look over to Trent, and he got most of the hit- along with a large welt on his back. We talk about it, and see Matt still running. Suddenly, I see the black car pull up a road that's one past us.

I finally saw where Matt was running to. The cop pulled Adam over on the same road that the black car went down... Then I see Matt talking to the cop, and then the cop driving down the road.

We get to Matt, and meet him down the road, and then we all head up to where the cop was parked. When we get up there, the first things we hear are "$500 fine, and possible assault charges", I of course laughed.

As we get closer, Matt says "Look what you did to him he's 14!", and then Trent showed the welt openly.

I got closer to the conversation between the cop and the driver of the black car... then I decide to get in the middle of things, and I start yelling at the driver (his name is Joey, and I went to school with him for a year).

I get in Joey's face (and he's a tall guy), and just starting yelling at him- and the cop doesn't stop me, at all.

Me: What the fuck is your problem?
Him: I didn't even know the guy, he's some kid I've met once!
Me: Don't even fucking lie for the guy, he threw shit at me friend!
Him: I didn't know him! (he looks at the cop to stop me, but the cop kinda just looks away)
Me: Bullshit man, what the fuck- act your fucking age!

As I kinda just stop, the cop wraps things up, then we take a moment to talk to cop and before he leaves he says "Yeah, really fucking mature, they got him hard- so he's probably gonna face charges".

I really didn't care, but Trent's my bud, and they left him a nice-sized welt (even though he didn't really care).

Trent (being soaked) decides to walk home to change a shirt, as Matt (wanting to feel cool) stays at the park... I go with Trent. As we're walking there, he explains an altercation with the driver of the car that he had during the school year.

He said that Joey would always come around to their table trying to sell stuff for their basketball team or something, and his table would always yell at him until he left. Well, one time when Joey came to the table to sell something- Trent picked up a handful of fries, and threw them in his face, kinda shocking him.

I laughed hysterically about it, and then we reminisced about the altercation- and he got home and changed his shirt.

With a fresh shirt on, we headed back to the park. We met up with Matt, and then none other than the great Charlie Nemes showed up. While everything was going cool, I wanted to get out of the sun, but they stayed where they were... So I kinda just left. I got back to them, and Matt thought he'd try to be funny by saying "You're lucky we waited for you", so I walked away again. By myself, I went and sat over at a gazebo.

After a group appeared, I left that one and went on a walk back to my house. I came home, grabbed some shoes and left again. While I was walking back to the park, I met up with Charlie and Trent on the sidewalk. I ask where Matt is and Charlie said "He said he was gonna go swimming with Jesse or something, but we saw him hanging out with a bunch of people over at that Gazebo".

Back with my group, we got back to the park. The second we got back, we saw Frankie and Amber leaving. I ask what's up, and they say they're headed to McDonalds. Seeing as there was nothing happening there, we go with. We get there, and all kinda act silly, and then leave. On the way back- we were walking past Arby's when I saw a large van filled with Amish people.

I yell (at the top of my lungs) "LOOK THEY'RE AMISH!!!", and of course... they hear and stare, and my group looks away in shame (but laughs)... so a second or two later, I yell "THEY DON'T HAVE ELECTRICTY!!!", which- I felt bad... but it was funny.

After we get back to the park, we kinda chill out. Nick shows up, and we're all kinda hanging out. Eventually, Trent disperses with a group of Richie, Rikki, Johnny, and Cameron (but didn't REALLY ditch, because he told us to come along, but we wanted to walk). After Frankie, and Amber left- we hung a bit with the group Trent went to.

A bit later, we kinda just left. We walked around a bit, until Amber came up to me and explained that someone named Brandon Nesbit made her little cousin (Chiara, 11) cry, by saying a bunch of bad things about her brother (Frankie) in front of her. Seeing no Frankie to tell these events to, I decide to find Brandon Nesbit and take matters into my own hands. I find him, and Charlie comes with me to approach him.

He comes by me on the sidewalk and I say "Hey Brandon, come here for a minute".

I ask him why he made her cry, he denied it and said that all he was doing was saying "Hi" to her... which you could sense that as bullshit from a mile away. I told him to leave her and Frankie alone, he said "alright, I'll leave her alone", and walk away. Somehow between the time of me trying to find him, it spread around the Carnivale that I wanted to fight Nesbit... which I of course denied, I just think he should leave 11 yr. old's alone, and not make it your aim to make them cry.

I tell all of this to Frankie, and he says "alright, let's beat their asses", to which I reply "I'll call Chris Wallum and Charlie... they'll all be fucked".

As I kinda spent the rest of the night walking around, I kinda just left to came home.

I get home, and realize that I still feel the same as I did the night before. Quiet, Depressed, and alone.

I'm not sure what it is- it seems that the second that I leave my comfort zone, and be by myself... that I feel insecure, and depressed. Who knows, it doesn't matter all that much.

- Josh.