Myspace.

Good morning loyal readers,

Right now, I'm listening to "The Eternal Cowboy" by Against Me!, which I really dig some folk punk (Defiance Ohio, This Bike is A Pipe Bomb, etc), and there's a something small on my mind.

Myspace.

I have a myspace, I use my myspace... but I could live without it.

I know people who ONLY VISIT myspace.
It's completely retarded, really.

Myspace is in fact a poor excuse for a social life.

There is nothing redeeming about myspace... but we all fucking use it. It's just a huge popularity contest, which is fucking true- and I can't see why people take it seriously.

No one probably even knows that Myspace was sold two or three years ago to a Fox company, and they use it as their biggest form of advertisement to the youth.

I dig myspace because it gives me a locale to advertise my blog, and keep in touch with friends and stuff that I normally don't.

Otherwise... fucking take my myspace.
There's a bunch of people who have my password (Daan, Christina, Cameron, etc) and I could give a fuck less what they do as long as they don't start commenting and bitching other people out with me account, and I highly doubt they would.

The people who use those add sites to get more friends are the most pathetic of them all.
How narcissistic and pathetic are you?!

You really need clarification by having 21245 friends?!

Get a life for Christ's sake!!!

You're the reason for AIDS in North America, how does that make you feel Myspace-whores?

It's a website.
a motherfucking website that took 3 years to put in the ability to have a photo album, what kind of procrastination is that shit?

GET THE FUCK OFF OF YOUR ASS AND GO OUTSIDE!

Feel the air, that stuff, that scary, scary stuff.
I know!
You're afraid to, but do it.

Fuck your myspace in the ass.

mine too.

fucking myspace.

Yes, I'm a self-loather, what about it?

We're screwed

Well- as promised in my previous post... I've found something to bitch about.

If you are a member of my generation (15 to 19 or so), then you MAY be a part of the generation.

Essentially- I believe we're living in a generation of loss.

There is a large percentage of this generation that are uncultured, dumb, and refused to learn- and it's fucking pathetic.

We live in a time when we're being bombarded with advertisements, and terrible mindless television shows.

Shows like "The Hills", "Laguna Beach", "American Idol", and "A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila" are just some of the mindless, drab bullshit that's around.

It's fucking pathetic to me- how can people (even my own age) just stroll around the fucking earth getting into this bullshit?!

People no longer read, they no longer speak- they text and IM.
What the fuck.

Even before I lost my phone I hardly texted- it's just lame to me.

How can people honestly find anything worth living for in this goddamn generation- seriously; I'd rather cut off my own balls, blend them, drink them, then eat my own shit than watch Laguna Beach or the hills and believe it be entertaining.

Seriously; how can you even find this interesting?!



"lyke omg, it was soooo reel and lyke sericaly idk wat that guy iz bitchen b0ut itz soooooooooooooooo awwsume"

FUCK YOU.

JESUS CHRIST, IT'S MINDLESS BULLSHIT- FOR MINDLESS IDIOTS.

Those retards will NEVER know who Miles Davis was, or Xenophon (to be fair, not many people have heard of him), Homer, or realize what it's like to be a human.

They are the products of their own demise.

The brain-deaf, uber-fucked generation that they are leading deserves to be led into gas chambers and knocked the fuck out.

What are they contributing to society? NOTHING.

Same with the people who watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of American Idol- are you aware more people voted in ONE EPISODE of American Idol than the amount of people that voted in 2004?!

That's pathetic, it's a television show for fucks sake- not even an entertaining one at that, It's a fucking karaoke contest for gods sake. Would you really go to your local bar and watch the tipsy office secretary sing Johnny Cash's "Ring Of Fire"? No, well then why would you watch American Idol (given the first weeks are funny with pathetic people trying, after that... It's useless).

All of these reality dating shows are all doing the same thing... making people feel like shit, and dumbing them down. These don't provide any real entertainment; I could give a fuck less about Bret Michaels getting a wife, just as long as he stops making that fucking music.

Seriously- it's dumb entertainment, for mindless people.

Sure- I may be venting my anger, and I may just as useless as them... but at least I can think for myself, and I can point out Bosnia on a map... That's one thing they can't.

- Josh.

Let's give it up

So, It's 10:03 AM right now, and as usual... here I sit.

If you've read my previous entry, then you'll realize why I feel dumb.

My blog is quickly becoming centered in on why I have shitty days, which REALLY isn't what I want. It's who I am, but it's really not what I want on my blog. Albeit this is MY journal... I don't really intend everyone to know I have a lot of personal conflicts with myself and my own head- because I'm quite sure that 3/4 of you don't want to know about my problems, which I don't blame you.

So- hopefully, I can stop writing down everything I feel shitty about and keep it off of here... but SOMETIMES they do make genuinely awesome stories- but some make me sound like a tool.

It seems like I seem to get more hits and more comments and such when I post a provocative post a blog about things I hate, and the observations I encounter... so from now on I'm gonna try to find more of the things that piss me off, and write about that- instead of things in my personal life.

So, as this blog closes- rest assured... unless I have a genuinely good story about my day... It won't be posted, nor will my blogs about people in my life.

- Josh.

An insight to my brain.

So, I think we ALL know I have an anger problem... and this following blog is proof of it.
I did something dumb earlier today, that I HIGHLY regret- and I'm hoping to move on from, and just forget and this is pretty much what was going through my head during the time, so it's in first person view.

Enjoy my unstable brain.

what the fuck is your problem, Josh.
Why can't you just quit.
Give the bullshit up, fucking seriously.
Why do you keep up this fucking retarded crap?
What's your fucking problem. Why are you so fucking dumb.
Just... stop, stop fucking caring.
Just fucking die, goddammit man.
What the fuck is your problem?
Just pretend ****** doesn't exist, why can't you do that?
Why can't you just let *** go, seriously.
You're only fucking yourself, just admit it- you don't care, you don't... you can't. So fucking quit.
Just fucking quit.
Why would you even think about that? Why would you even consider ****** ******? It WON'T WORK, Not in a billion fucking years- so quit, just fucking quit.
What's your goddamn malfunction?!
*** doesn't actually give a fuck anyways- just cut the bullshit man. ****** doesn't care that way, goddamn.
FUCK ME!

So.... welcome to my world.

Also; I'm NOT suicidal- I'm just using "fucking die" as an expression.
Seriously, I'm not that dumb.

- Josh.

Oodles of Oodles.

Good afternoon everyone, I hope you guys are digging being back into the regular groove.

It's 12:45 PM right now, and I'm sitting here listening to De La Soul's album "De La Soul Is Dead", so far it's pretty cool stuff.

It's a pretty gloomy, chilly day today.

I was just sitting around thinking about what I want to do with my life.
Maybe I'm just seeming overly sentimental or pushing the future before it's happened... but It's hard to not think about stuff like that.

I've kind of narrowed it down what I'd like to do with my life.

• Become a writer and director and make movies.
• Work in radio
• Write for magazines
• Become a music producer

Of course- I kind of want to each of those equally, but truthfully... I can probably only achieve the following:

• Work in radio
• Write for magazines

I'd REALLY love to be a writer and write movies... I already write shorts, and I've got tons of pages of just ideas, but I'm not sure if they'd ever ACTUALLY develop into anything.

Working in radio is a venture, but a very time-consuming, shit-paying venture- especially with the transition of celestial radio to satellite radio.

Working for a magazine would include me attending college and getting a degree in creative writing and English as my major... so either way I'm fucked.

It's hard to say, I just think about shit like this all the time.
I know what I want to be, and I know I have my friends who support me- but I don't think I can do any of it.

It's not LOW self-esteem, it's NO self-esteem.


- Josh

The Sum

Hello dear readers.

Right now it's 11:22 PM, and I'm sitting here listening to "Typical Cats", some groovy Jazz-oriented rap.

Nothing TOO interesting happened today, at all.
Hung around with Katlyn, Katie, Frankie, and a few other cats for the most part (when I wasn't home at least).

I'm kind of hyped up right now from Ice-Cream, and it's giving me a headache.

While I was eating my ice cream, I was watching "The Adam Carolla Project", which starred none other than... Adam Carolla.

It was a reality show about him buying his childhood home and renovating it from scratch with his own crew of misfits. It was actually really good, but it's sad it didn't make it to another season.

Television is seriously the most fucked up venture out there.

It seems that ALL of the best TV shows get canceled before their time is truly up.

I fucking hate television for that purpose- some of the most well-written, well-acted shows are replaced with retard prone things like "The Hills".

Some could argue that terrible shows are canceled... but what about Arrested Development, Lucky Louie, Clerks: The Animated Series, Firefly, X-Files (though it lasted a good 9 years), and Twin Peaks... Honestly, watch this clip from the pilot of Lucky Louie and tell me that it's not fucking great.





It was SUCH a great show, but it literally only lasted 12 episodes.

Maybe I'm alone- but I think the world could use sitcoms like Lucky Louie.

Lucky Louie was essentially a sitcom about Louis C.K. (a comedian, FUCKING hilarious). It was like Seinfeld for the 21st century.

I honestly think that the TV execs are on crank 98 percent of the time... Honestly, would you EVER cancel Twin Peaks?!

It's probably one of my favorite shows, EVER. It was done by David Lynch... who is just insane. He loves to confuse the audience. It's my type of thing.

Other than my hatred of the TV boards... not much is going on.

I believe I'm going to go pee... and then listen to the Lazlow show.

- Josh

Puppet.

Good evening friends,

It's 9:11 PM, and here I sit- listening to the new Atmosphere record, some cool shit.

So- the past two days have been completely shitty for me, and I've been bummed pretty much the entire time.
I'm not gonna go into detail COMPLETELY, but I'll just go for some standout things.

1.

I was sitting in a car last night, talking to a friend... and I kind of just leaned over and kissed her.
STUPID, STUPID Josh. Why the fuck would I do that?

Goddamn I must be retarded.
I don't like her, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me- besides, I think she has some fling going on with some guy... GODDAMN why am I so awkward and random.

FUCK.

I seriously hated myself last night, and all of today for doing that.

I told her I didn't know why I did it, and she kind of just laughed, I've talked to her since and told her I feel like a total tool, but she told me not to worry about it... but that's fucking difficult.

I still feel dumb, ahhhhhhh.
There isn't shit I can do about it either.

2.

So- I went to a bonfire with Cameron last night, it was for his friend Kevin who is in the Marines.
We get there, get out, and... It's ALL scene kids I've never met (with the exception of Johnny, Colin, Richie and Rikki), so I kind of sit there and I get into a bit of a conversation with Richie and Rikki.

Rikki: What's wrong Josh?
Me: Uhh... Nothing really.
Rikki: A bit out of your element?
Me: Just a little
Richie: Yeah, There's kids wearing Despised Icon hoodies and Fuck You jersey's and your just sitting there with your hat thinking I Love Ska.
Me: Haha, yeah I'm a bit out of my element.

Later on in the party, they had a hardcore dance-off... fuck was that gay, seriously... Is there anything gayer than hardcore dancing... it's just... fuck that's a story for another time.

Seriously... I was just surrounded by a bunch of people I constantly make fun of, are you aware of how uncomfortable that was for me?

So, that ends and eventually I loosen up (after a few other guys I know show up) so I chill until they leave and go lay in Cameron's car.

With the remaining people left we go up to Perkins, which is fine- but I don't say more than two words. I'm just sitting there quietly, surrounded by Scenesters... Fuck.

We leave, I come home and go to sleepy sleepy land.

I don't mind scenesters... but it's just not my crowd, they were all yelling, talking about tattoos, and bitching... that's not me. I enjoy mellow things. Laying around in the sun on a nice day, not talking about dumb shit like tattoos.

I just want to have fun, and mellow out.

Those are the two major things... The rest was just casual bitchery.
Now I just feel super lonely, and super depressed.

Oh well, I'll survive.

- Josh

The State Of Music.

Good morning readers,

It's 9:37 AM right now, and I'm listening to "Workin'" by The Miles Davis Quintet. So far a very classically inspired Jazz album.

Whenever I tell people what I listen to, they seem astonished and mystified that I listen to it, which I don't know why- I just think it's good music.

Other (certain) people think what I listen to is "old people music", because it's not super-overdubbed, synthesized, and overly produced.

The old soul and blues like Al Green, Otis Redding, Ben E. King, Muddy Watters, Percy Sledge, Frank Sinatra, and many others were special BECAUSE it was real, those guys could actually sing like that, it wasn't dubbed nearly at all. What you heard on a record back then was what you heard live were almost the same thing, unlike many (if not most) bands or groups today.

Don't get me wrong though, I think there are TONS of kickass groups around right now; Bright Eyes, Two Gallants, Explosions In The Sky, RANCID, Black Keys, White Stripes, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, Streetlight Manifesto, Raconteurs, and tons of others... but there are equally just as many bad; Velvet Revolver, Puddle Of Mud, Staind, Seether, Buck Cherry, and plenty others.

Music is a very subjective and intrusive field of conflict between people o'er who likes or dislikes a band moreso than another.

I like innovation, oddities, difference.

NOT the same drum beat, guitar riff, and rugged bass tune.
I guess that's why I never got into grunge.
Bands like Nirvana (whether you like them or not) were just so fucked. They could hardly play their instruments, and sing and they couldn't even do that well.

Grunge directly sparked from the post-punk era that was in decline after the fall of bands like Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Flipper, Meat Puppets, The Minutemen, and others- but Punk had something they didn't, but I can't quite place it at all, really.

Regardless- from Grunge, a bunch of shitty bands (that still populate MTV) were born.


Which... yeah.

I wish I could pick on grindcore even more, but come on- a fan of Grindcore can't take the stuff seriously, the music is a joke- the bands don't even take the stuff seriously, I've read interviews where they just say it's fun and easy to play because no one really cares and it's not going to last, but to just have fun with it instead.

That's pretty much proof that Grindcore is an ending generation.
It's just like any other genre.

Ska- Ska is just about having fun, but if you actually listen to the songs- all they sing about is being depressed and angry all of the time, and wanting to kill themselves. 3/4 of Ska sounds alike, I'll never defend that- but that 1/4 is to be treasured and watched over for ALL of eternity.

I've heard plenty of ska bands and just went "they sound EXACTLY like mustard plug" and turned it off, I've already listened to Mustard Plug, I don't want more.

Just like Punk.

There are very few Punk bands around right now that are actually good; Bad Religion, Rancid, NoFX, The Unseen, Dropkick Murphys, Real McKenzies, and Flogging Molly are just a few- those are just some standout bands that don't sound exactly alike the next band playing. Stuff that just screams about getting drunk for two minutes, then the next song is about anarchy, next song about mom and dad, etc.

Music is and will always be a subjective force that NO ONE can ever agree on.

Like me? I hate rockabilly, grunge, modern rock, and grindcore.
I love Ska, Old Hip-Hop, blues, Jazz, Post-Rock, some Punk, and Funk.

What do you dig?

The Marks Of A Tool

Good afternoon folks, tis I! Josh Bennett.

There isn't much at all going on right now, but... I have something to talk about that happened yesterday; which sparked me to write this blog post.

Yesterday I hung out with Nick when I saw Colin and Richie (two cool cats), and didn't think much of it. After we saw Mike Layshock and Pat Nemet jamming up at a pavilion- Nick left.

I headed back down to the park and talked with Colin and Richie.

Colin told me that a guy in the park wanted to kick his ass (Colin moved from OH about a year or so ago for college and work, but has stayed in contact with most people from OH). Colin told me what happened, which I shall relay to you:

"I was just like staring at the guy for ten minutes and thinking about how fucking gay he looked, he has a grill for fucks sake"


I hear this and look over to the guy... and sure enough... it's the biggest tool I've EVER seen.

He's wearing a wife beater, a beanie that is pulled down to his eyes, 30-75 necklaces, a grill, ears, tongue, lip, and that odd space right below the lip and above the chin... ALL PIERCED. He looks like the faggotry explosion of northeastern Ohio- and he's my friend Mikes' older brother.

So, while I make fun of this guy- Colin sees Monica and we decide to walk over, and captain Toolface approaches while we're walking away. Toolface took off his metal-beaded necklace and wound it around his hand, as though he was going to strangle Colin, this is kind of went down between those two:


Toolface: You got something to say?!

Colin: Not really, you just look gay.

Toolface: DON'T YOU DISRESPECT ME IN PUBLIC!

Colin: Whatever.

Toolface: Are we gonna fight?

Colin: Really? Am I going to have to kick his ass ?

(I'm nodding and semi-agitating the fight, Richie is kind of just watching and keeping it cool, Monica and her friends look a mite freaked out)

Toolface's friends call him back over, and then they leave somewhere- to which I just keep making fun of the guy.

--------------------------------------------------

Because of Captain Toolface, I've made a table of how I see people who physically represent themselves as tools. Feel free to count yourself up and give me your scores.


ears piercing: 0.5

ears gauged: 1.5 (get's .5 larger per each 1/2 inch upgauged.)

nose piercing: 1.5

Belly Button piercing: 1.5

eyebrow piercing: 2.0

Lip Piercing: 2.5 (Snakebites get 3.0 though)

grill: 3.0

Straighten hair when it's totally unnecessary: 3.5

You often wear the pants that don't let any air travel there: 3.5

tattoo of barbwire, heart with barbwire or anything remotely connected to barbwire on your persons: 3.5

Any other facial piercing that seems unnecessary: 4.0

Dirt Stash: 4.0

Beanie that covers eyes deliberately: 4.5

Tramp stamp (tattoo on lower back, directly above butt): 5.0

Wifebeater shirt: 6.0

Tongue Piercing: 7.5

------------------------

0 - 4 = Casual, everyone has a bit of tool in them somewhere deep down, (myself included).

5 - 8 = Darling, you're trying too hard.

9 - forward = You WILL be made fun of every chance I possibly get, but you might be my best friend at the same time.


Maybe I'm a harsh critic, and I know I'm not perfect- that's why I got a 5.5, so give me your scores.

The Day After

Good afternoon my fellow Americans,

It's 4:20 on 420 here today.
Ironic, no?

Personally- I don't celebrate such holidays, I'm not a drug user- though I don't discriminate against those who do. It comes from the earth, and it's not hurting anyone.

I was disturbingly sick yesterday, and it's pretty much all a blur.
I did listen to "Lemony Snicket's Series Of Unfortunate Events" on Audiobook though, haha.
It's read by Tim Curry, good shit.

Best thing about flu-induced hallucinations is the stories you can think of.
I got a few from the constant vomiting I did yesterday.

Speaking of vomiting, I'd like to relay some of the things I saw in my vomit yesterday.


I threw up a few different times, but these are the best ones.

1. a mixture of a piece of cracker, red slushie and chicken.

2. Mountain Dew- green and didn't taste quite as good coming up.

3. Bile, yes- stomach fluids, CASUALLY not a good thing.

One thing that didn't make me feel good about almost feeling on the verge on the death was passing out on my bed and leaving the computer on to a rather bothering article on wikipedia.

The Black Death
(bubonic plague)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Death

I didn't feel too safe, or sane to say the least.

Well, I think I'm off for the day.

Eat dinner with the family, then head out for a walk.


- Josh.

The Zoo is On Fire.

Good morning friends.
It's 9:26 AM right now, and I'm sitting around not doing much, caught up on schoolwork, so I can relax for a while.
Yesterday was pretty fun.

Let's go through the day.

I left my house around 2:45 or somewhere soon after.
I went up to the park, talked to Nick and Frankie for a few- before they bailed to go do something (touch each other, I'm guessing) and so I kind of just sat around and felt the day's breeze.

Haley and a few others showed up- I talked to them for a few, until Cameron came and we walked around for a good 30 minutes just talking.

I go home and eat dinner to find my grandmother is severely sick (which she still is, but it's just the 24 hour flu- so nothing I can REALLY do to help her), so I eat dinner with gramps and then head back out.

I come up to the park, and I'm greeted by Charlie and James- to which I pull my penis out and chase James around.
We part ways while I talk to Nick and another few cats.
Katlin shows up, I talk to her for a while (while somehow talking in another conversation behind them with other people), and then I head up to the skatepark.

While I'm talking to them; Charlie, Dave, Matt and this girl were headed in my direction. Charlie asked if I wanted to go to Circle K- and I was bored, so I did.

Along the way- I spend it trying to make them laugh (while hardly succeeding). When we get to Circle K; James, Thad and their friend Nolan show up.

They come out of Circle K and this is the conversation that went down:

James: That guy's name was rory?
Me: Rory?
James: Yeah, like the daughter on the Gilmore Girls.
Me: Wait... you watch the Gilmore Girls?
(Silence)
Then I rip into James for a good ten minutes when Thad and Nolan come out.

James: Nolan watches the Gilmore Girls too!
Josh: That's because Nolan is actually gay! You have no excuse!

I rip into him so more, and keep making myself, Charlie, and Matt laugh.

I spend my time after trying to pants James- which never really worked too well for me.

I pants Charlie... and his underwear comes down too. So Charlie is standing there in the middle of the skatepark, ass naked, covering his balls- with two or three mothers around (the one mother is actually a journalist who was reporting on skateparks) and she said "so this is the Newton Falls crowd?".

Eventually- they leave around 7:30 or so.
Before they do Matt, Charlie, and I just start saying

"Chris Wallum"

(he's a friend of Charlie's who lives in Deerfield, I think)

and we just say "Chris Wallum" endlessly.

They leave; Matt, Cameron and I walk to Circle K while still saying "Chris Wallum", Justin shows up and joins us.

We then start thinking of movie titles and inserting "Chris Wallum" into it:

Little Miss Chris Wallum
The Lion, The Witch and the Chris Wallum
The Day after Chris Wallum
Passion of the Chris Wallum
and tons of others.

On our walk, we meet up with Frankie, Jesse, Chiara, and Amber and our group of about 10 people decide to go to McDonalds. Along the way we keep saying Chris Wallum and confusing and pissing off people by just looking at strangers and saying "Chris Wallum" and keep walking.

We get to McDonalds and hang out with Kelsey while still saying "Chris Wallum", we then discover Frankie's cousin from New York (Amber) has an outrageous accent.

We start making her say things that would sound awesome with an New Yorker accent, we had fun- but then decided to head out.

We eventually make it back to the park and I try climbing a slide and smack my chin off of a slide, and then off of a golf club we found.

Amber, Frankie, and Chiara leave- so everyone else kind of disperses afterwards.

I come home, sit around on the computer- watch Eli Stone, and head to bed.


All in all- a pretty fun day.

- Josh

How was your day?

Times go.

Good morning my few dear readers.
Ah, it's beautiful and it's 10:56 AM.

Windows are open, blinds are a giving a little light in, I dig it.

So... I probably won't be posting as much as I used to as it's nice outside- though I'll try my damnedest to keep you guys updated.

Yesterday was a bit out there.
It was kind of every emotion you can think of.

It was alright, till I realized that one of my best friends never even talks to me anymore- instead he hangs out with 8th and 9th graders all the time... but that's not what really bothered.

I don't really want to talk about what bothered me (though I have told 2 or 3 people), but... it was one of the few times I literally just walked away and disappeared from the park without a word.

I had went back to the skatepark (to escape what eventually made me leave the park) when they came up, and after a minute or two- I said bye to Charlie and left.

I saw George and Lauren and I told them "Yeah, I don't want to talk about it", and then I sat at the pond for a good 15 to 20 minutes. I got up as George and Lauren were getting ready to leave- I hung with them a bit, then walked Haley home.

I'm better today, it was just a multitude of things- but Haley did make me feel a little better.

Now I'm not too worried about it.
I overreact often, and yesterday was a prime example.

Here's a video to go out on:



- Josh

Stuck in prison

What the hell is with this Ohio weather?
Seriously- last week it was 60, now it's 35... Jesus Christ.

Okay- well, there are two specific things on my mind right now.

As usual- in order of importance.

1. Grammar.

Now, I make my fair share of grammatical errors (if you ever look at the archive, you'll see them) but I think that you can still actually attempt to spell or use a comma correctly.

I've mentioned my friend Cameron quite a bit on here (the one-legged one), and Cameron- well... he can't spell for shit. This is pulled from an AIM conversation last night:

[16:50] J-Bizzle: Ah I dig.
[16:51] Cameron: yeah last night i chrashed in my car with kyle
[16:51] J-Bizzle: You my friend, are fucking retarded.
[16:52] Cameron: not a car chrash we slept in it
[16:52] J-Bizzle: Are you aware Crash isn't spelled chrash?

How can you misspell CRASH?! It's a five letter word!

I wish people would just pay attention in school, just a little bit.
Though- to be fair, I suppose it does come easier to some than to others... But the word CRASH?!

I can't stand it when people misspell such easy words, now if you misspell Staphylococcus, I'd completely understand... but the word crash?!

Come the fuck on, just pay attention in class for five minutes. Learn to fucking spell, honestly.

Anyways, now to my second piece (which will make the first seem rather redundant)

I never knew I was really "heartless" and "mean" until yesterday.
I was talking to someone via myspace comment, and I forget how it was mentioned but this is what she said:

okay?
i hear alotof people talk about how "mean" or "heartless" u r and i just dont see that.
im not trying to be nice either.
i just dont get how people think ur such a big ass hole.

(I removed a small part of it though, no editing otherwise- just the expletive of a sentence that doesn't really matter)

Now, I could see myself being considered mean- but honestly, if someone actually takes me seriously, then they need to reevaluate themselves. Anytime I'm ever rude to a person (other than Cameron) I'm simply kidding around. I've never honestly wished harm on another person in hopes that it would happen.

Most of the time I feel bad about making fun of a person, and especially if they think I'm serious.
I can be incredibly sweet or incredibly rude- but I'm never serious when I'm rude.

I'm a pacifist- but I'm a severely discombobulated one.

I don't know, after reading that- It was sweet of her to say, but I felt bad for the people that I've been "heartless" to, but if people actually consider me to be serious about ANY of that- then there is something up with them. I like people, I just know that people are dumb and severely fucked in the head.

I don't "want" people to hate me, but I know that it's probably inevitable.

BUT- in the case that I've EVER made YOU (the reader) angry, sad, or depressed with something you've read or something I've said- then I SINCERELY apologize... but come on... Do I even look serious?

- Josh.

There was once a girl.

Good evening folks, it's 5:07 PM right now.
I'm feel pretty alright- not too much going on.
Quiet day, rainy and gloomy outside anyways.

I've been in a pretty gloomy mood the past day or two- and... well this is one factor that added into it.

There was once this girl whom I'd dated once before. anyways there was once a girl I dug, and she dug me (or so I thought) and she was talking to a good friend of mine (all names are being removed). Well, he ACTUALLY had zero interest in this girl- but couldn't think of a good way to tell her. So, one fateful day I ended up kissing this girl and telling her that I still cared about her (catching up?) and when my friend came back from vacation- he asked me fore help. So, one fateful night- I essentially wrote the letter that was breaking them up. It was in increments, and it was some of my best work to date. In each of her replies to him- she said she only wanted to be with him, that she loved him, etc- eventually the night ended with them hardly being friends.

Since her and I had already dated, I decided it was an empty cause and told her to move on- and that I'm a useless asshole, jerk, etc... to which she would say that she only wanted to date me (sounding familiar?). This went on for a while- until she went off one day to smoke a nice bit of pot. I thought very little at it at the time, and talked to another friend of mine (for the sake of argument let's call my second friend ... John), and he said that this female said the SAME thing to him.

"I love you, I want to be with you, you're the only one", during this process when she was telling me the exactly same thing.

When I heard this... I recalled seeing this SAME girl all around a few different guys at a concert a week or so prior.

So... on this day when she went to smoke pot, I lost all respect for a person to which I once admired, the fact that she went off and smoked pot didn't help. I'm disgusted by drug usage... I've been there.

I hold no resentment towards her, just made me feel like shit.
I'm cool now, but I don't know- still makes me feel like shit, and how no one likes me- blah blah blah, mindless drab.

Anyways.
Hopefully everyone is having a good weekend- maybe I'll come back with more stories.

- Josh.

Coaches

Good evening dear readers (yes you),

I hope everything is swell over on your end.
Today was alright, hung with my good friend Nick Frendak for a bit- lent him a few CD's to listen to.
After that- I ran into Cameron.

We were walking along this white sidewalk in our town (it kind of stretches from one end of town to the other) and we were walking along the park and there are these baseball fields in the park. We were walking by the smallest field (where the little kids practice), and we heard this asshole coach (vandyke beard, wrap around sunglasses, and backwards flex fit hat, THE ENTIRE MACHO FUCK OUTFIT) yelling at these kids to keep running laps, Cameron and I stood and watched for a good ten minutes while the kids ran at least 20 laps, while Coach Dumbfuck yelled at him. Cameron said something and we got a dirty look.

I yelled out "You're kids COULD become well rounded individuals, but screw that- let's play baseball!", and we kept walking. We met up with Justin and walked around the park again, to where the little kids practice was, just to see the coaches yell at the kids again.

I eventually came home- and there is something on my mind.

Those coaches who coach little kids only coach because they are the true failures. They yell and make these little kids play their dumb little game because they were failures and they never made it- so fuck it, I'll take it out on little kids.

I feel that same way for ANY coach who verbally abuses a child into running laps, or works them too hard.

FUCK YOU- those kids aren't your failure sticks.
You can't force a little kid to be a winner, because you're a failure.

They work those poor kids hard because that's what their dad did- well... APPARENTLY IT DIDN'T WORK- OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE SCREAMING AT YOUR FUCKING KID TO DO ANOTHER GODDAMN LAP.

Learn to raise your fucking kids.

- Josh

Pretty solid.

Good afternoon readers/friends,

I hope you're doing swell.
I'm feeling rather content myself, listening to Minor Threat's Complete Discography.
Seminal punk rock album, up there as one of the best.

There was SOMETHING on my mind, but it's a hard point for me to argue/bitch about, but... I think I'll find a way.


People who HAVE to be in a relationship.

Of course all love feeling wanted and cared about, and loved- but all the time?

I got out of a seven month relationship to Christina (to which her and I are friends now, I'd say) and I dig being single again. I don't really want a relationship, I'm having fun just chilling out. It's not like I'm going out and having sex with random girls either- I just dig not having any bearings to the world.

In my mind (that confusing fucked up thing) I think you should be able to be your own best friend, I mean- when you're lonely and depressed and no one is around... who's there? yourself. If you can make yourself your own best friend then you'll never be alone. You can do whatever you want, you'll never need anyone to make you happy. Maybe it's just me, but it's how I see it.

If you feel otherwise- I completely understand, but I think if you can be happy with yourself, then you'll never NEED anyone else to be with you, you can walk completely alone and know that it doesn't matter what other people think, because you have something they don't- the solidarity to walk alone.

NERD

Good evening my good companions o'er this abominable chud baby named Stupppa.

Yeah that made no sense, but I'm content with it.

I'm listening to The Aquabats, I love those guys.
Geekcore new wave.

Anyways.
My weekend was alright.
Hung out with Cameron pretty much.

I kept running into George almost every place I went.
Sidewalk, Bench, etc.

He and I were talking and I realized the past week or so that I've seen him have been more than I've seen one of my best friends in more than a year.

Not much else to report.
Weird pain in right arm.
Sun burnt.

A new day.

Good morning.
It's 1:04 AM right now, and I'm listening to one of my FAVORITE albums- Sea Change by Beck. Depressing as all hell. But it REALLY shows Beck making some soulful, real tunes.

I'm getting tired.
Really tired, but I'm not really feeling like sleeping yet.

Over the weekend I'm hoping to give the blog a nice upgrade visually, who knows- I might procrastinate myself from that.

Eh.

Too much going on in that thing I call a brain.
If you read my previous blog, it was a mite angry and depressed and blah blah blah.

Can anyone guess the primary reason for my absurd anger/depression (angerpression?)?

DING-DING-DING

If you said a girl, well come on down, you're fucking right!!!

It's my fault though, I always seem to sabotage my own relationships from the start.
I'm not dating her- I told her I couldn't (another story altogether), but... then she starts talking to another guy- something which I told her to do, I told her to find someone else- but then when she does... I can't deal with it.
Luckily there's been a few cool people around me to knock me out of that funk (Sam, Fred, Cammy) but they don't really know.

I don't know.
I guess subconsciously I DID want to be with her.
Eh, fuck it now.

Let's drink to better days.


- Josh

Bedtime

It's 11:06 PM right now friends.
It's... been a... day.

It's been boring, and it's been... tough (in the past 20 minutes or so at least), and it's probably just my current state of mind talking.

It's my own fault though.
Eh, I don't know.
I'm tired of this bullshit.

All this fucking lifestyle bullshit.
I'm trying to be someone who I know I'm not, and I can't think of one solid fucking reason why.
It's all bullshit man.

I can't believe on what I live my life by.
These bullshit ass ideals and these bullshit ass beliefs.

These mortally retarded quotes that I find interesting could mean nothing to someone else.
As fuck up as it is- I hate who I am.

There, I fucking said it.
I'm tired of this bullshit that I put myself through, and it's no one else's fault, I blame no one- I'm the retard who does it.

I wish I could be like them.
But I can't.
Why?
Because I can't pretend to be stupid.
I don't know.

I'm just tired of fucking talking/writing.

Dirty Blues.

Good afternoon Silencenauts (that term, AGAIN!),

Hope everyone has been doing swell.
Summer steadily approaches and it's nice to open my window (even though it's only 45 or so).

I finally finished "The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" earlier today, I still have the five other novels in the series to read though.

You have to love classic British wit, it's unrivaled, even the greatest American comedic writers will NEVER write as well as the Python troupe.

In fact, here is the British comedian Eddie Izzard doing his take on American movies vs. British (Euro) movies.



I think 2008 and 2009 are potentially good years for movies.

Let's hope to live that long for it, cheers!

- Josh.

Orbits

Good mid-morning readers (yes all three of you).

It's 10:30 AM right now, and I don't have much motivation to do my schoolwork so I figured I'd make a nice post.

I'm listening to "Miles Smiles" by Miles Davis, so far it's pretty awesome, short though (like my penis).

I think my procrastination has to do with the weather as well.
It feels wonderful.
The weather said it's supposed to Thunderstorm today, but I don't give a damn, I have my window open and it feels awesome.

I was hanging out with the great George P. yesterday. He talked about moving from Akron back to Newton Falls. We hung for a bit before he headed off to do whatever he does.

My blog is a tad random today, I'm just pulling ideas from my head.

I can't wait to get that haircut, I'm serious. I'm selling out, getting short hair and being happy with it. Long hair is awesome for some people (myself) until you realize you have long hair, then it just gets in the way.

I've actually got it down to two choices.

1.



2.




I asked what people thought via myspace and the results are:

Number of votes for Hairstyle 1: 7
Number of votes for Hairstyle 2: 7

(Plus about twenty people who told me to not get a haircut, OR that both were gay)

Even.

You guys on the space REALLY don't help my OCD, you know.

So it kind of somes down to you guys.
Which one should I go with?
I'm going this Friday or sometime NEXT week.

So help a brother out.