Welcome To The New Year.

Current time- 12:50 AM
Current music- Lifetime - Somewhere In The Swamps Of New Jersey

Well, happy new year.
My sleep medicine is starting to kick in, so I'm not sure how legible this will be, at all.
Talking to Matt and Anna.
Just figured I'd give a (short) summary of this past year, and what's happened.

(Skipping January, and February, going straight to March) My grandfather came into visit from Georgia, and it was the first time I'd seen him since I moved from George when I was in fifth grade. Nice guy- super religious. Sunday he dragged me off to church with him, I sat there the entire time- quietly. What the fuck would I say?

Anyways.

Later in on the week; he, mom, and I all went sight-seeing. It was fun, he left later on in the week. Made him Banana pancakes before he left. He dug them. A day later I sold my G4 Mac and bought a plane ticket.
Stopped in Utah for changeover and befriended a bunch of senior citizens who liked me green hair, forgot to mention I dyed my hair.

Got to Ohio March 13th at 10:34PM. Went to my Aunt Pattie's house after being picked up by Uncle Ronnie (who has hearing problems). Hung out with cousin Adam after he got off of work.

Got to grandmas house after staying with my other Aunt for a week or so.
Got bitched at because of my hair
Colored my hair.
Dated Katlyn
Broke up with Katlyn for Amber.
Amber broke up with me because she thought I had a problem with her being religious.
Got back together with Amber.
Amber broke up with me because I threw a slushie at her.
Hung around all sumer.
July 4th- started dating Christina.
DONE NOTHING.

There we are.

WOO!

My year seemed eventful right?
Good times in 2008.
- Josh.

Sometimes.

-Sometimes I really wish I could find the right USB cord for my camera.
-Sometimes I wish my friends would use proper birth control.
-Sometimes I wish Fred weren't so pompous.
- I wish I was a better person.
- I wish I was a better friend.
- I wish I was a better boyfriend.
-Sometimes we all gotta focus on one thing at a time

First real "logo" if you will. This is a small odd post, just for a quick update, join up if you wish (directly after this post I'm gonna work on fixing the page), I think you'd all have fun, and we have some plans in the future.

I made a logo for the top of the page, but it was small, so the image was stretched and it looked pretty terrible.

Hello.

Hey readers, it's 6:23AM here.
I'm still pretty sick, not too fun.
Pretty sure it's just a headcold, but I could have AIDS.
We all could.

ANYWAYS

So, I still haven't fixed the problems with my blog- but I am pretty proud to announce us opening the IoS forums.
It's being modded by me and a few friends, (Mike Kochman, Matt K, Fred) and we're building out muhfucking empire.
There isn't much to it right now, considering I just made it earlier today- but we're hoping to make it into a full fledged community.

This Is It.

I'm pretty psyched about it. Everyone involved in it seems pretty adamant about putting time and effort into it.
There's some amusing stuff up right now.
Not many members (one other than the mods) but we want to change that.
It's pretty cool I must say, we're trying to touch on every little thing.
Feel free to stop in and say hello or post your thoughts about the blog.
The link will also (eventually) be available on my blog.
Some come on over and hang with us and bullshit

:)

More grabbing- Less shoving.

Well, hell- my posting is pretty inconsistent, that really sucks man.
I suck man, haha.
Well, it's 1:55 AM.
Today - I got a haircut for the first time in a year and a half, and I can't believe I put of getting a haircut for so long, I really love not having to move my hair out of my eye constantly. I still got those locks, but they are a little shorter and don't fall in my food- which I dig.
I've been having problems with my blogspot, including my about me not showing up- something I really need to fix, oh well.
But, I can't believe how little I actually post now, I think it's a matter of two things:

1. Just actually getting in the mood to write.

2. Not much going on in my life.

So- anyways, like I said- not much has been up. Well, one thing- kinda big.

I had a crisis of faith- though my faith in question was my girlfriend and I's relationship.
Now, I should first say this: I'm a really shitty boyfriend, I'll never say I'm a good boyfriend.
I'm pretty pathetic as a human being- so we can just throw that out there.

I flirt, it's just something I've always done- ask any ex of mine and they'll tell you the same thing- I flirt, I really can't help it. I would if I could, but I like talking and conversing with people- but ultimately I end up flirting. How? I have nooo fucking clue, but it happens.

Anyways.

I was being gay and playing on an anime-ridden website (fuck anime, FTW!) and met this chick online, and I meet people at random ass places.
So, I added her on the 'space.
And we talk a lot and it's fine, I talk constantly to a few different people.
But- like I said- I ultimately end up flirting, and in any amiable fashion I kid and say
"Send n0000dz." pure kidding, and she's like "Well, if I didn't look like shit, then I would", so out of pure curiosity I implored this further and she eventually ended up sending me nudes, which put an iffy feeling in my soul.

A. I got nudes.
B. I already have a girl who I care deeply for.

So, I called Christina and told her how I was confused and feeling odd about myself, and then we talked about it, and she got a little angry, which I don't blame her- I'm officially a mortal asshole, I know it.
I'm a terrible boyfriend, and I have to live with that on my mind.
So- the next few days were odd, and I talked with it with my friends, until Wednesday when I had to go see Christina.

I walked up to see her, and she started crying in my arms and I'm just like "shitty human, shitty human, shitty human", so we agreed on something.

We're on hold, but we're not afraid to look.
Fine.

Well, I woke up the next day and had a voice message from Christina in my e-mail.
She said that she didn't want to look for something she thinks she's already found.
FUCK.
So, I call her later, and the entire time I'm realizing that she knows me better than some random ass girl on the internet, and nothing against those girls, they didn't do a single thing wrong; I think any person I actually devote to taking time to talk to is a good person, and they are worth my time.

Anyways-
So, later- I read something and I call her back and say "You know, I've made a decision."

she goes "On what?"

Me "us"

her "do I want to know?"

Me "Do you?"

her "Yes, I mean, ugh fine"

Me "I've decided that you're the one girl that I want to be with, you know me better than anyone else, and I know you'd love me no matter what, even in my crisis."

Of course- that's not word for word, trimmed down, bare essentials left.
But, I found what I've wanted.

Did you?

Livin' Life

Well, it's 10:54 AM.
I just finished a cup of hot tea, so far- my day is going well.
I'm a little tired though- I was up till four or so playing online.
Right now I'm really digging Norah Jones' album "Not Too Late", which I think is an amazing album, and no- I'm not gay, I just dabble- nothing wrong with a stiffy in the ass from time to time.
Did I just call it a stiffy?
Gay.

Anyways, I realize I didn't post yesterday, that bums me out; I meant to, I just... Didn't.
Lazy, that's pretty much it.
Not much as happened anyways... Wednesday, I was with Christina, yesterday, I basically sat around and just messed around online.
Good times.
Well, anyways- that's life.

Good Afternoon.

Right now, it's 12:33. Soon, I'm gonna go grab a shower, lay around; and probably watch some TV.

Since my last post- not much has happened. I've been sitting around lazily. I watched The TV Set- which was a pretty cool take on how TV shows get greenlit and produced for the world to see.


Well today- I woke up, ate a tangerine. And checked out http://weburbanist.com/, which is a pretty nice site. It details all urban arts. Abandoned buildings, Graffiti, some cool stuff.

Not 20 minutes ago I checked my e-mail and it said I had a new comment on my blog, so I read it and this is what is said:

wow kid you're a fucking cocksucker.

now- this is a reference to my blog about comparing 80's hair metal, to today's emo.

(http://theinnovationofsilence.blogspot.com/2007/12/straight-up.html)

And I guess some cunt didn't like the fact that I don't listen to Van Halen, use Aqua-Net like I was some retard without sensibility to care for our environment, or the fact that I don't like cock. Now, personally- I could give a damn less that a guy digs a giant penis in his ass, but come on- because I don't like music that has lyrics that consist of

"OH YEAH LET'S PARTY, ALRIGHT!!!"

FUCK THAT DICK, for all I care he can jump into a giant pit of of bleeding aids infected penis's.


Anyways.

Thanks, Jack Silver.

Jesus I'm getting pathetic with my posting.
I'm not really going to reflect on the past since my last post, because not much has happened, to be honest.
So, I guess this will just be a fresh start, but I think that I do owe an explanation.

I've just been bummed out because of the holidays. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I think it's just a huge scam for companies to get 1,000 times more rich than they already are. Otherwise it's fine, I just don't really believe in gift giving, not to mention there really isn't anything I want, I'm cool otherwise.


I got into an argument with Fred last night. I threw him an idea I had, and he said it was controversial, which I dig. Then, I asked him why I'm the only one who expresses ideas and thoughts. He stated that he just hasn't had the time to think of ideas (I think, I'm not quite sure if that's what he meant), then he said that over this school break, he'd think of ideas. To which I stated- you can't put time to just think of ideas, or at least I don't. To be fair, a lot of my ideas suck cock. There are a few that I like- but ALL of those ideas are prominent with me just being up late and trying to fall asleep and coming up with something, I don't agree that we should be put on a mountain to think of ideas. I think that the fluidity of your imagination and mind has to have SOMETHING in it, you know. But, we argued for a while, till I just said fuck it and said goodbye.

I kind of realize that I have very little friends. I have a few good ones who I love; but I don't really get together with a bunch of friends and hang out (other than with Cameron, Clay, Greg, and the occasional Richie). And- I don't really get to hang with any of them, it kind of sucks. I miss my friends, I miss being recognized when I walk outside. I guess that has a little bit to do with summer, but whatever. Maybe I'm just a bad guy, I don't know.

Some people may know, I have a tendency to have low level panic attacks. It's not a fun thing. I used to have them a lot, I was always afraid that I'd get left behind in this world, and all of my friends would move on without me. It just makes me think, I'd get scared- I'd start hyperventilating, followed by crying. Which I would then go on a walk. I always thought that my friends would just lose interest in me. Am I wrong?

Oh well.

So, I found out that Christina's mom is reading my blog. Mostly because of a joke comment I made on her myspace a while ago. Oh well, and then I found out that her mom doesn't approve of my blog.

I'm at a point to where very little matters to me. My mind, my girlfriend, my friends, and my books- all that matters. I could care less if everything I owned went up in flames.

I fought with my grandparents earlier. We were talking and they started talking about my mom, and my grandma said to my grandpa "Josh is gonna grow up and prove it to his mom by being something good."

To which, I said "Not."
They said "Yes", I said "I have no need to prove anything to anyone, especially not my mom", and so we fought for a long time because I don't hold grudges against people, or have anything against people (at least not long standing grudges. I get over things quite easily) and by the end of the argument it ended with them saying "You're never going to be good in this life!", to which I said "Fine by me, if that's what the universe has in store with me". Then I walked away laughing.

Also- I started my diet finally today. Going pretty good so far. I just bought some fruit to keep my tummy at ease instead of craving sweets.

- Josh

To: Your mother, father, and baby sis.

Good evening, one and all.
So, It's been a while since I've had a real blog post. So, I figured I'd talk about- well whatever.
Since the last post...
I've caught up on Chuck. Cool show, I dig it a lot.
I suggest checking it out, I thought it sounded like a really corny sitcom, but it's kind of the opposite. It's funny of course, but it's pretty in-depth and fun. In either the first or second episode they reference Lost, which I got a kick out of.
Not to mention the great Adam Baldwin.


I just noticed that I've only had six blog posts this month (excluding this one). That kind of perturbs me. I like posting on here. Although I'm not really sure how often it REALLY gets read, I still like just posting for the fun of it, even if there is no future for me in it.

Well;

Today... Sat around to find out the clothes I ordered via the internet were being shipped somewhere else, not even close to me, so now I have to wait ANOTHER month for them to arrive, I was pissed, because I've been watching outside my window ALL month hoping it would come. Oh well, I guess.

So, after I got over my hissy fit about my clothing not coming, I called Christina and we talked for a bit, before we hung up. I got a shower, sat around, and went up to meet dear Christina. We came back to my house, and my grandfather turned on all the Christmas lights downstairs. It was pretty, she liked it (or so she said). We hung around and watched TV for a bit.

After that we went up to my room, put on some music, and just chilled out. We went through an array of classic 90's tunes for our youth, including; Sugar Ray, Uncle Kracker, Alanis Morisette, Everlast, House Of Pain, Smash Mouth, etc... Now I'm humming "Jump Around", thanks a lot. After that, her father called, So we walked up to the falls where we parted ways once again.

Trying to get back in to my writing groove man.
Oh well, I'm out. Probably to bed.

Here's something to go out to:

It Is My Curse.

Jesus it's been a while.
Last time I posted was Thursday, that was five days ago.
Well, I guess I shall explain the boringness that has happened in the past days.

Friday - Nothing, duh.
Saturday - Well, stayed at Cameron's with Greg, Clay, and Richie.
We had a bunch of fun watching scat porn, duh.
I left around 7:00AM without saying goodbye and walked home.
Cold ass walk in shorts.
Sunday - Notta
Monday - Same
Now - Fuck.

So... Yeah.

Good evening one and all!
It is 11:22 PM by my clock right now, and I'm in the mood to right; I give a lot to the music that I'm listening to. I usually post depending on my music at the time, I have to have the right music to listen to- to really get into the mood to write... So, the music as of now:

New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Awesome, awesome song. Great band, the band didn't last long, but I think they're still an amazing group of people.

So, as I said I'd have a lengthier blog today to recall the events of the past two days... So here I am.



Well let's see, my last "real post" was Monday... So I guess this will cover Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Tuesday:

well, I remember watching the last few episodes of Firefly, minding my own business... Until... A girl asked me to go to Tinsel with her, I'm not going to say her name; but she said she'd rather me go with her as a friend, instead of taking her boyfriend. She said she'd complicate things with him to which I said "So you'd rather take me instead of your boyfriend?", and I probably would have, but I have a girlfriend, and she has a boyfriend. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn't have been TOO keen on that idea.

I talked her into not wanting to take me, using "excuses" such as:

1. I don't feel like wearing a suit.
2. I'm not leaving my house when it's cold out unless I really have to.
3. I have to get a sore looked at.

Anyways, I talked the Christina a while later, and she was fine, and she said that she wouldn't have minded if I went, because she trusts me. Regardless.

So, other than that, not much happened.

Wednesday:

Hung with Christina, and watched Serenity.

Today:

Not much.

Well- sorry to those of you who expected a blog post from me yesterday and today. I've just been wrapped up with some school work and such.
So, not much has happened- well a few things, but I'll be posting tomorrow and it should be lengthy.
Night dear friends. - Josh.

Cyclone.

Good morning/evening,

Needless to say- it was another day where I sat around and didn't do much.
Caught up on Dexter and Firefly mostly.
Well- I did go for a walk to Rite-Aid for necessities; Gloves, A Birthday Card for my Grandmother, and Pepsi. I tracked muddy snow all through Rite-Aid, I looked behind me and went "Oh fuck!" and found something there to wipe my feet on, I think it was a rug on sale or something, it was ugly, no one was buying it- whatever.
I came home- while I was peeing- I heard the faint sound of polyphonic Christmas music, and I find out that it's coming from the people across the street, and understand- this is at eleven o'clock at night, how the fuck can they put up with it if I can hear it across the street!?

Anyways, goodnight.

straight Up.

I'm feelin' pretty good right now, no particular reason- I just feel at easy. It might be because I'm listening to Tim Armstrong's solo record, but either way I feel good.

As you can imagine I had a boring as hell day, but I wanted to write and reflect on something.

80's Metal Vs. Emo/Indie/hardcore (whatever you want to call it, it's still depressing, therefore for the moment we will call it emo for the sake of argument.)

We shall examine these two grave possibilities in Clothing, Lyrical Content, and Video.

1. Clothing

Style is everything, it reflects what people see you as, and how weird you come off.


80's Metal:

Let's see, in 80's metal there was a whole lot of this:


(Band seen in photo: poison)

Wait, so these guys actually got laid, by women? There were plenty of sequins, leotards, cheetah stripes, aqua net hair spray, lipstick, and eyeliner.

Emo:

I couldn't think of one specific band to represent emo, when many in fact sound alike.


(Band seen in photo: From First To Last)

There is a fair share of eyeliner and girl pants in emo, but at least you can't mistake them for men in most cases.

Winner: Emo


2. Lyrical Content

Music is nothing without the meaning of the words, or lack thereof.

80's Metal:


80's metal was about rockin' out! Getting laid, looking a girls, getting crazy, or so I've been told.

(From the Kiss song; Rock And Roll All Nite)

Rock 'n' roll
Baby gets tired, everybody knows
Your mother tells you, baby has to show
Yeah, yeah
Let me go

Um... So he wants to leave the baby, but his mom says the baby has to show... I... I don't understand. By the way- that was an entire verse.

Emo:

Emo is pretty much defined as music that uses emotion as it's strongest suit, which I guess is alright.

(From the Bright Eyes song; Lua)

I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor’s west side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they’ll be gone.

So, I guess that means... No one likes him, nothing will last, and he really needs a car.


I don't know what the kiss song meant, but I want to dance and snort coke! That Bright Eyes song just made me sad.

Winner: 80's Metal.


3. Video

For many bands, the video is the mark that you're doing something right, and you're getting yourself out there, and someone is finally recognizing you. Now let us make fun of them.

80's Metal:

80's metal was notorious for having very beautiful women, and cheesier effects. Let us reflect.

Warrant - Cherry Pie



All that leather... What about that cheesy camera spin at the beginning?

3. Video

Emo:

Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers


Best example of emo I've seen in a very long time, but at least there was no cheesy camera spin.

Winner: Emo
Overall Winner: Emo


Well, it seems that girl pants and wrist cutting has beaten leotards and cheetah print. Please be aware, I didn't think of this well, and it's probably very unfunny, and very, very monosyllabic.

Sunday The Second, December.

Good afternoon everyone, it's me (Josh) and I've noticed that my posting pattern over the weekend is kind of slow and boring. But, I figured I'd update you on the shitstorm that was Saturday.


Saturday-

Woke up early, around eleven or so. Sat around and watched Firefly for a while, It's a shame that show got canceled, it's pretty brilliant I think. Mostly because Adam Baldwin, and Nathan Fillion are in it, but whatever.
I called Christina around one or two, I can't quite remember. I just knew she had to go babysit later. My grandfather and I were supposed to be decorating this weekend, mostly all the Christmas stuff; but I guess he just decided to not do it- a shame, I like doing Christmas decorations, oh well.
So I was kind of pissed about that- because if I knew he was gonna flake like that I wouldn't have told Christina that I was busy this weekend, and I could saw her.
I was pissed most of the day because of that.
My grandma was drinking (it doesn't happen often, just when she's stressed, or on a long day) but she's the type of person that when she drinks she comes and talks to me, and I'm just like "Leave" and that attitude.

Then around five or so she walks into my room, where I'm just sitting there watching Firefly minding my own business and says "Alright, now listen up."

and I say "Uh, okay."
Then she starts in on some random shit; telling me I'm not happy, all of this shit, just yelling at me.

She said "I CAN TELL YOU'RE NOT HAPPY!"

I said "NO SHIT YOUR IN MY ROOM SCREAMING AT ME!"

Her: "I mean in general! You don't like doing anything but sitting in your room, and walking around the house like a zombie! You never smile!"

Me: "Why? Because I'm not like my cousins?! Because I don't play football and act like I own the entire world?!"

She shrugs

Then she just keeps yelling at me and I keep yelling back- making her speechless. Then my grandfather walks in, and he starts screaming at me too, calling me a failure and that if I don't change my act I'm never going to be anything in life.
So, I start crying because when two people just simultaneously start screaming at me- I don't feel that confident. He walks away and my grandma starts back up again about pointless shit.

Then... My Grandfather walks back in- except this time, he's on MY side. He starts yelling at my grandmother saying

"It's his life, let him find out on his own! You can't change his life, you can't change him!"
While this was going on, he was facing her, and so was I, but I was farther back, and I had a hugeeee fucking grin on my face, and she saw.

and she starts shaking her head disapprovingly, even though she's been fucking beat.
She walks out of my room saying "You know, whatever I don't care what you do with your life."

THANK GOD!

That's what I've been waiting ten months to hear, Jesus Christ.
So, after that- I talked to Matt for a while, and we decide to go hang out. I wore shorts and hoodie, not that smart in retrospect, but whatever.
We drank some coffee and walked around.

I came home, and started working on this drawing that I really dig. I call Christina around One, waking her up. Telling her about my day, and she comforts me.
I head to bed after working on something and watching Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle.

Weird Dream though. Not gonna whine about that though.

- Josh.