इ'म जुस्त बीइंग म्य्सेल्फ़, इ'म जुस्त दोंग वहत इ दो.

So, hello dear readers- tis I! Captain Josh-O-Man.

I'm sitting here listening to some Tim Armstrong, and I figured I'd update what has happened in the past 13 hours!!!

To be completely truthful- not much at all.
After my post I sat around and pretended to do some schoolwork (like you've never done it) then called Christina.

After we talked I sat around on my ass, then Clay called he asked if I wanted to come over- I didn't really feel like it, but I decided it would get me out of the house- so I left and headed over there.
We played a bit of COD4 I was owning quite well, but then Eliza came over (not blaming my losing streak on her) and I just got knocked off focus, because I don't do all that well when other people in the room are carrying on a conversation- because I feel apt to converse and input there while still trying to kill insurgents.

Now- ever meet a person that will just seriously start just fucking making fun of you the second a new person or someone specific walks into the room? Well... Clay did that. And, I was cool with for a while because he was just trying to look cool in front of his girlfriend- whatever, it's fine.

Well, I keep playing and being told "You Suck At Life.", "FUCKING USE YOUR SIGHTS!!!", and other things and I keep just saying "Yeah, I guess I suck" and just trying to shut him the fuck up because it's senseless to act like a moron in front of his girlfriend. Still- I understand he's just trying to act cool, and I could give a fuck less.

Now- not to segway out, because the story isn't over, but... do you have/ever had a friend of yours that you tell everything in your life to? Well, I trust(ed) Clay because I thought him and I were friends- god knows he's told me things he doesn't want Eliza to know, and have I ever mentioned them to anyone? Nope. Not because I don't want to get him in trouble with her, but because It's just no ones business, if someone would've asked that I trust and wouldn't tell on him, then I might say something- but for the most part I won't tell a single soul.

So, I find out that the one thing that actually means something in my life is told to him by me- he told Eliza, now usually I wouldn't care, I might be irked because he went behind my back and told her what I told him in confidence; but- this is the worst part for me. I'm playing a game of Team Deathmatch when he says what I told him (I'm not saying it on here- because it's that personal to me) not only in front of Eliza... but in a way making fun of me, and... They both start laughing. Now, I refuse to say what the secret is- but it's about a person I love very much, and what happened to them... And, I just stared ahead for a few seconds still playing, but a little blacked out with rage inside. I toss the controller on the space on his futon next to me, near where Eliza was sitting. I begin to stand up while they're still laughing and say "Yeah, I'm leaving now." he says "No you're not." like I'm bluffing, I say "Fuck off." and walk out.

I'm really not trying to complain about my life- but it kind of hurts that a person I trust so much would betray me like that- you know- I considered telling Eliza all those things, but figured that I didn't want to sink to his level.

I have nothing against Clay- but it goes to show how your true friends (or so you think) can truly be assholes. He calls my house, I'm not going to talk. I refuse to unless the first words he says are an apology. I've forgiven him, but I need to know that he feels bad about what he did- and I guess I'll never tell him another thing in my life.

Anyways- How was your day?

P.S. - The subject line is written in Hindi.