More grabbing- Less shoving.

Well, hell- my posting is pretty inconsistent, that really sucks man.
I suck man, haha.
Well, it's 1:55 AM.
Today - I got a haircut for the first time in a year and a half, and I can't believe I put of getting a haircut for so long, I really love not having to move my hair out of my eye constantly. I still got those locks, but they are a little shorter and don't fall in my food- which I dig.
I've been having problems with my blogspot, including my about me not showing up- something I really need to fix, oh well.
But, I can't believe how little I actually post now, I think it's a matter of two things:

1. Just actually getting in the mood to write.

2. Not much going on in my life.

So- anyways, like I said- not much has been up. Well, one thing- kinda big.

I had a crisis of faith- though my faith in question was my girlfriend and I's relationship.
Now, I should first say this: I'm a really shitty boyfriend, I'll never say I'm a good boyfriend.
I'm pretty pathetic as a human being- so we can just throw that out there.

I flirt, it's just something I've always done- ask any ex of mine and they'll tell you the same thing- I flirt, I really can't help it. I would if I could, but I like talking and conversing with people- but ultimately I end up flirting. How? I have nooo fucking clue, but it happens.

Anyways.

I was being gay and playing on an anime-ridden website (fuck anime, FTW!) and met this chick online, and I meet people at random ass places.
So, I added her on the 'space.
And we talk a lot and it's fine, I talk constantly to a few different people.
But- like I said- I ultimately end up flirting, and in any amiable fashion I kid and say
"Send n0000dz." pure kidding, and she's like "Well, if I didn't look like shit, then I would", so out of pure curiosity I implored this further and she eventually ended up sending me nudes, which put an iffy feeling in my soul.

A. I got nudes.
B. I already have a girl who I care deeply for.

So, I called Christina and told her how I was confused and feeling odd about myself, and then we talked about it, and she got a little angry, which I don't blame her- I'm officially a mortal asshole, I know it.
I'm a terrible boyfriend, and I have to live with that on my mind.
So- the next few days were odd, and I talked with it with my friends, until Wednesday when I had to go see Christina.

I walked up to see her, and she started crying in my arms and I'm just like "shitty human, shitty human, shitty human", so we agreed on something.

We're on hold, but we're not afraid to look.
Fine.

Well, I woke up the next day and had a voice message from Christina in my e-mail.
She said that she didn't want to look for something she thinks she's already found.
FUCK.
So, I call her later, and the entire time I'm realizing that she knows me better than some random ass girl on the internet, and nothing against those girls, they didn't do a single thing wrong; I think any person I actually devote to taking time to talk to is a good person, and they are worth my time.

Anyways-
So, later- I read something and I call her back and say "You know, I've made a decision."

she goes "On what?"

Me "us"

her "do I want to know?"

Me "Do you?"

her "Yes, I mean, ugh fine"

Me "I've decided that you're the one girl that I want to be with, you know me better than anyone else, and I know you'd love me no matter what, even in my crisis."

Of course- that's not word for word, trimmed down, bare essentials left.
But, I found what I've wanted.

Did you?