The Marks Of A Tool

Good afternoon folks, tis I! Josh Bennett.

There isn't much at all going on right now, but... I have something to talk about that happened yesterday; which sparked me to write this blog post.

Yesterday I hung out with Nick when I saw Colin and Richie (two cool cats), and didn't think much of it. After we saw Mike Layshock and Pat Nemet jamming up at a pavilion- Nick left.

I headed back down to the park and talked with Colin and Richie.

Colin told me that a guy in the park wanted to kick his ass (Colin moved from OH about a year or so ago for college and work, but has stayed in contact with most people from OH). Colin told me what happened, which I shall relay to you:

"I was just like staring at the guy for ten minutes and thinking about how fucking gay he looked, he has a grill for fucks sake"


I hear this and look over to the guy... and sure enough... it's the biggest tool I've EVER seen.

He's wearing a wife beater, a beanie that is pulled down to his eyes, 30-75 necklaces, a grill, ears, tongue, lip, and that odd space right below the lip and above the chin... ALL PIERCED. He looks like the faggotry explosion of northeastern Ohio- and he's my friend Mikes' older brother.

So, while I make fun of this guy- Colin sees Monica and we decide to walk over, and captain Toolface approaches while we're walking away. Toolface took off his metal-beaded necklace and wound it around his hand, as though he was going to strangle Colin, this is kind of went down between those two:


Toolface: You got something to say?!

Colin: Not really, you just look gay.

Toolface: DON'T YOU DISRESPECT ME IN PUBLIC!

Colin: Whatever.

Toolface: Are we gonna fight?

Colin: Really? Am I going to have to kick his ass ?

(I'm nodding and semi-agitating the fight, Richie is kind of just watching and keeping it cool, Monica and her friends look a mite freaked out)

Toolface's friends call him back over, and then they leave somewhere- to which I just keep making fun of the guy.

--------------------------------------------------

Because of Captain Toolface, I've made a table of how I see people who physically represent themselves as tools. Feel free to count yourself up and give me your scores.


ears piercing: 0.5

ears gauged: 1.5 (get's .5 larger per each 1/2 inch upgauged.)

nose piercing: 1.5

Belly Button piercing: 1.5

eyebrow piercing: 2.0

Lip Piercing: 2.5 (Snakebites get 3.0 though)

grill: 3.0

Straighten hair when it's totally unnecessary: 3.5

You often wear the pants that don't let any air travel there: 3.5

tattoo of barbwire, heart with barbwire or anything remotely connected to barbwire on your persons: 3.5

Any other facial piercing that seems unnecessary: 4.0

Dirt Stash: 4.0

Beanie that covers eyes deliberately: 4.5

Tramp stamp (tattoo on lower back, directly above butt): 5.0

Wifebeater shirt: 6.0

Tongue Piercing: 7.5

------------------------

0 - 4 = Casual, everyone has a bit of tool in them somewhere deep down, (myself included).

5 - 8 = Darling, you're trying too hard.

9 - forward = You WILL be made fun of every chance I possibly get, but you might be my best friend at the same time.


Maybe I'm a harsh critic, and I know I'm not perfect- that's why I got a 5.5, so give me your scores.