Puppet.

Good evening friends,

It's 9:11 PM, and here I sit- listening to the new Atmosphere record, some cool shit.

So- the past two days have been completely shitty for me, and I've been bummed pretty much the entire time.
I'm not gonna go into detail COMPLETELY, but I'll just go for some standout things.

1.

I was sitting in a car last night, talking to a friend... and I kind of just leaned over and kissed her.
STUPID, STUPID Josh. Why the fuck would I do that?

Goddamn I must be retarded.
I don't like her, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me- besides, I think she has some fling going on with some guy... GODDAMN why am I so awkward and random.

FUCK.

I seriously hated myself last night, and all of today for doing that.

I told her I didn't know why I did it, and she kind of just laughed, I've talked to her since and told her I feel like a total tool, but she told me not to worry about it... but that's fucking difficult.

I still feel dumb, ahhhhhhh.
There isn't shit I can do about it either.

2.

So- I went to a bonfire with Cameron last night, it was for his friend Kevin who is in the Marines.
We get there, get out, and... It's ALL scene kids I've never met (with the exception of Johnny, Colin, Richie and Rikki), so I kind of sit there and I get into a bit of a conversation with Richie and Rikki.

Rikki: What's wrong Josh?
Me: Uhh... Nothing really.
Rikki: A bit out of your element?
Me: Just a little
Richie: Yeah, There's kids wearing Despised Icon hoodies and Fuck You jersey's and your just sitting there with your hat thinking I Love Ska.
Me: Haha, yeah I'm a bit out of my element.

Later on in the party, they had a hardcore dance-off... fuck was that gay, seriously... Is there anything gayer than hardcore dancing... it's just... fuck that's a story for another time.

Seriously... I was just surrounded by a bunch of people I constantly make fun of, are you aware of how uncomfortable that was for me?

So, that ends and eventually I loosen up (after a few other guys I know show up) so I chill until they leave and go lay in Cameron's car.

With the remaining people left we go up to Perkins, which is fine- but I don't say more than two words. I'm just sitting there quietly, surrounded by Scenesters... Fuck.

We leave, I come home and go to sleepy sleepy land.

I don't mind scenesters... but it's just not my crowd, they were all yelling, talking about tattoos, and bitching... that's not me. I enjoy mellow things. Laying around in the sun on a nice day, not talking about dumb shit like tattoos.

I just want to have fun, and mellow out.

Those are the two major things... The rest was just casual bitchery.
Now I just feel super lonely, and super depressed.

Oh well, I'll survive.

- Josh