Desperation, Saccades, and Loneliness.

So... today was anything but fun for me.

It was fun because I got to see a few friends I haven't spoken to in a while, but... I just had this distinct feeling of being ditched by people the entire day.

I was always with one or two people... but I just kinda had an off feeling about myself all day.

Like I've mentioned before, I have an immense fear of rejection- so when something like that happens... it kinda hurts. I hate the feeling of being ditched, so I recluse from doing it to other people at all chances I can get.

For example; a certain person (who refuses to be named on my blog, guess who) kinda ditched me for Allie (which you can read that story by clicking this link).

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.
I'm not MAD at anyone who left, I just feel... bad about myself.

Because of stuff like that; I was kinda in a bad mood ALL day.

I just kept seeing people today who don't like me, and then I realized why I wanna get out of this fucking town... mainly because no one really likes me, no one enjoys my company. I'm tired of just being an asshole, and people hating me... I don't know.

Maybe I just want that one friend who I can always depend on.
Who won't ditch me for a girl.
Who won't ditch for drugs (unless I'm counted in :P)
I don't know.

- Josh