I'll explain myself.

Right now, it's 4:11 on a Saturday- and where do I sit? my room of course.

The sun started to shine out of nowhere, where from until an hour or so ago- it was rather cloudy and rainlike, and I'm quite sure I also heard thunder... but it's all cleared up now.

For some reason... I want to explain myself.
I've pissed A LOT of people off lately, because... admittedly, I have changed.

I think I have at least.
Right now, I find it impossible to tell, but I know that whatever type of existential crisis I'm encountering (with myself), I shouldn't be taking it out on everyone around me.

I feel that I owe people a lot of answers of why I've changed, what's changed me, and what I've changed from... but honestly- I don't even know the answers to those questions, and I wish I did.

I don't blame anyone for what's been happening (though many MAY disagree with this), but it's no excuse. I hate feeling like a dick.

I hate when people are dicks for no reason, and sadly enough- that's what has happened to me.
I'm tired of being that person, and I have no reason TO BE that person.

Over the past few months, I've kinda shifted to a Nihilistic state of mind (google Nihilism if you don't know what it means), but that SHOULD mean I just don't care- but I do care for some reason.

I don't know why I can't explain what's happening, but I can't.
I don't want to be the dick anymore, but it's not such a quick transformation.

I'm not Josh Bennett the asshole extraordinaire at heart.
I'm Josh Bennett, the.... nothing.

haha.

I don't know anymore.

To anyone I've hurt lately:

I'm sorry, really- I am.
I'm just... not a happy person.
Though it's quite unfair to take my anger and problems out on you- I'm sorry.
I really am.
I don't know if you'll accept my apology- but please note that I'm being heartfelt.

- Josh