Out Of It.

So, it's 3:19 PM right now.
Last night was fun, I was with Fred and Kara for most of it.

Today... I'm all over the place.

I feel out of it.
I'm having moments of realization, grandeur, and pessimism all at once, and it's scaring me.

I know why people don't like me.
I know why all of my relationships fail.
I know why 3/4 of my friends can't stand me
I know why I can't stand me

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of who I already am, and who I could become.
I'm afraid of what I think.
I'm afraid of what this fucking blog has done to me.

I have friends who drink, I don't.
I don't know why I don't, it's not some legal matter (me being under 21), or making a fool of myself (I do that regardless of alcohol in my system), and I'm not afraid of becoming an alcoholic...

I don't know why I don't drink.
I should.
It'd be a lot easier.

Maybe I'm weak because I don't drink, because I'm not afraid of the outcome, or what will happen to me.

I wish it wasn't so bright right now.

I don't know.