Oodles of Oodles.

Good afternoon everyone, I hope you guys are digging being back into the regular groove.

It's 12:45 PM right now, and I'm sitting here listening to De La Soul's album "De La Soul Is Dead", so far it's pretty cool stuff.

It's a pretty gloomy, chilly day today.

I was just sitting around thinking about what I want to do with my life.
Maybe I'm just seeming overly sentimental or pushing the future before it's happened... but It's hard to not think about stuff like that.

I've kind of narrowed it down what I'd like to do with my life.

• Become a writer and director and make movies.
• Work in radio
• Write for magazines
• Become a music producer

Of course- I kind of want to each of those equally, but truthfully... I can probably only achieve the following:

• Work in radio
• Write for magazines

I'd REALLY love to be a writer and write movies... I already write shorts, and I've got tons of pages of just ideas, but I'm not sure if they'd ever ACTUALLY develop into anything.

Working in radio is a venture, but a very time-consuming, shit-paying venture- especially with the transition of celestial radio to satellite radio.

Working for a magazine would include me attending college and getting a degree in creative writing and English as my major... so either way I'm fucked.

It's hard to say, I just think about shit like this all the time.
I know what I want to be, and I know I have my friends who support me- but I don't think I can do any of it.

It's not LOW self-esteem, it's NO self-esteem.


- Josh

Out Of It.

So, it's 3:19 PM right now.
Last night was fun, I was with Fred and Kara for most of it.

Today... I'm all over the place.

I feel out of it.
I'm having moments of realization, grandeur, and pessimism all at once, and it's scaring me.

I know why people don't like me.
I know why all of my relationships fail.
I know why 3/4 of my friends can't stand me
I know why I can't stand me

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of who I already am, and who I could become.
I'm afraid of what I think.
I'm afraid of what this fucking blog has done to me.

I have friends who drink, I don't.
I don't know why I don't, it's not some legal matter (me being under 21), or making a fool of myself (I do that regardless of alcohol in my system), and I'm not afraid of becoming an alcoholic...

I don't know why I don't drink.
I should.
It'd be a lot easier.

Maybe I'm weak because I don't drink, because I'm not afraid of the outcome, or what will happen to me.

I wish it wasn't so bright right now.

I don't know.

Short little post.

So, it's 10:57 AM.
I woke up around 10, and put up my Obama HOPE poster (designed by the GREAT Shepard Fairey) that Fred gave me, and now I'm sitting here thinking.

I need to clean my room in the near future, it's not dirty, but I need to just go through stuff and find things to throw away.

It was a pretty cool weekend though, not TOO boring, got out of the house both nights, pretty groovy.

Well, I hope all went well over your weekend as well.

- Josh.

(Here is a video to go out on)

Let's Hope.

Good afternoon, it's 11:37 AM right now.
I'm feeling pretty good, not sure what to do today, but... I don't really care, I think it'll be alright.


Yesterday was alright, not too much happened though.
Woke up, did a bit of classwork, and talked to a few cats via AIM.

Went over to Clay's around 3 or so.
Matt was coming over, but then he got lost (mind you, Clay's house is EASY to spot, a giant fucking brown place next to an underpass, not exactly hard to find), and he only came up after he saw Greg show up.

We hang around playing some Rock Band, and then Patrick shows up.
After a while, we decide to play some laptop baseball, in which we destroyed a laptop for unspecified reasons.

Post-Laptop destruction, we sat around and played some CoD4 before Matt and I left.

Came home, got online, saw some disturbing pornography, and then watched Eli Stone.

Now, I sit here, bored.
Thinking.

Eh, maybe I shouldn't do that, gets me in trouble.

Journal Entry For Wednesday Oct. 24th.

Not much happened yesterday, I finished classwork around 11:00 AM, then watched some House, M.D. on DvR, followed by some "Monk" Afterwards Grabbed a shower, after I was drying off and got dressed Christina (my girlfriend called) and said she was already in town, usually she gets in about 5:30 - 6:00, but it was 4:00 or so. I dryed off my hair and left. I met up with her at the "falls" and we hung for a bit up there before walking around. she threw stuff at me and I threw it back (I'm telling you none of this is very interesting), and then we walked up to the Library, we went up to the Museum area upstairs, figured why not, well we ended up sitting around in there for like an hour and a half talking to one of the "curators". She was really cool, she told me a whole lot, she told us how Newton Falls used to be covered in trees before the Tornado in 85' and how Newton Falls is slowly falling apart and I highly agreed leading into a local politic discussion (mind you Christina is probably going insane at this point) and I'm talking to some lady about local politics.

Afterwards we headed back to my house, sat around for a while watching some "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia", then went downstairs for some "Scrubs"... And other stuff.

*Ahem*

Well, she left around... 8:00 - 8:30, I came home sat around playing some SNES and listening to Eugene Mirman, 10:00 watched the new "Life", that show is fucking brilliant. If you haven't seen it then I seriously think you should, it's about a cop who was framed for murder 12 yrs. ago, he gets out from DNA evidence that is inconclusive, and he goes back and becomes a detective, while still in secrecy solving his own case, I think it's amazing....

After Life was over, I headed to the room, worked on some school stuff, and fell asleep around 12:30 to Eddie Izzard's "Dress To Kill" on the iPod.